Hi,
I am really not sure where to start so please bear with me.
My eldest DS (17 now) came to me about 16 months ago to tell me he is trans. For context, DS was diagnosed with Asperger’s/ASD at four years old, although my ex-husband and I had our suspicions from a really young age that he was autistic.
School was a hard time for him, he struggled massively, and spent his high school years in a self-contained unit in mainstream school. He left last year and has been attending a local college doing a life skills course (which he hates).
It is worth saying that he lives permanently with Dad, his choice. He has a younger brother (aged 14), who has the same Dad, but he chooses to live permanently with me. He also has issues (ADHD) and will be going to a residential school within the next few weeks. The situation might seem strange but it is working for us. The only time I see my eldest DS is every other weekend when he comes here to stay, and my youngest DS goes to his Dad’s for the weekend.
My eldest son last night when he arrived told me that he no longer wishes to use his “dead name” and wishes to be known as Alice.
I hope not to heap abuse down on my head, but I know next to nothing about trans people or rights. I have to be completely honest, and please excuse my ignorance, but I really dislike the thought of a biological male sharing the same space as women, although I haven’t said this to my son yet. I would be utterly devastated if he chooses to use a women’s bathroom.
Please help, I am at my wits end. I have a fairly amicable relationship with my ex-husband (again for context if it matters, I am 47F and he is 37M and been divorced for nearly 10 years).
I want to have a relationship with my son, but if I am being completely honest the thought of him being trans is just not comfortable with me, but I want to get comfortable with it to allow me to have a relationship with them.
Thank you if you got this far.