Autistic girls thriving at secondary school

[Roseyposeypie]

It looks likely that our DD12 (year 8 at school) will be diagnosed with autism. There are things that she clearly finds difficult at school (sensory overwhelm, anything in a bigger or unfamiliar group, changes to routine, PE, accessing lunch and toilet facilities) but most days she looks forward to going in. She has a couple of friends she likes to see, quite a few teachers she likes, has been appointed to the school council and gets excited about new opportunities.

From reading and research I’ve realised that many autistic girls start to really struggle in the early years at secondary school. I’ve seen lots of examples on Facebook groups where a girl sounded exactly like ours and things then deteriorated quite quickly. I wondered if anyone had experience of a girl thriving at secondary school, despite finding some things difficult? And if you do, what do you think helps?

Sorry, I have no idea, but watching with interest, as my autistic daughter has never thrived in secondary. Year 12 and still struggling!

What helps depends in the girl’s individual needs.

Request a meeting with the SENCO.

Some ideas that might help your DD from the things you have said:
Use of noise cancelling earphones or headphones or ear defenders.
Looking at placement within the classroom.
Being allowed to move lessons 5 mins early or late to avoid the rush.
Being allowed a toilet pass and to use the disabled toilets.
Can DD take a packed lunch and eat somewhere quieter?
Do they have a lunch club for those who struggle with the hustle and bustle of the playground? Or can she go to the library (if the school has one)?
Where possible, advance notice of changes to routine.

What is it about PE DD is struggling with? Is it all PE or just certain sports? (If they have multiple groups can DD hop groups to stay with an activity that is easier for her to cope with?) Is it the getting changed in the changing rooms? (If so, can she get changed somewhere quieter?) Is it getting changed full stop? (If so, can she go to school in PE kit on PE days?)

Do all her teachers know? If not, if you have their email addresses, email them directly.

Just saw this post while trying to navigate my own DD13, and sounded exactly like yours, up until halfway through year 9, when things have totally started to fall apart. The saddest thing is how happy she always was, despite all her struggles at school, and how that has turned on its head so suddenly. I really hope the same doesn’t happen to yours. I never expected mine to lose her love of school.

I'm late to this thread. Sorry I can't add a happy note (very glad your DD seems to be doing well).

DD (age 12) is struggling. She's going to a huge co-ed secondary that had impressed us on the open day for it's SEN facilities, but ultimately isn't that great. She's coming home crying each day. We're going to try a transfer to a slightly smaller local school or try and go private. The latter would mean a significant scaling back of the finances, but we'd do it.

I think one of the biggest positives here is that she still wants to go to school and has people she feels connected to there.
A lot of autistic girls do struggle more as social expectations increase, but having safe people, predictable routines and somewhere to decompress can make a huge difference.
Sometimes the children who appear to be “coping” are actually working incredibly hard internally, so keeping communication open and watching for signs of exhaustion or burnout is probably more important than whether she looks fine on the surface.