25 year old DC with autism has got the flu

[Pinkchristmastree1]

He's really not coping,he's banging and shouting and getting really angry
I don't know how to help him
I get nervous around him when he's angry because of past violence
I do everything I can to keep him calm ,but I can't take this flu away
He's currently in the bathroom trying to be sick , because he keeps sniffing instead of blowing ,but that's better than him being sick on the floor
He's making awful angry noises and running the taps at full blast ,he's going to flood the place at this rate .

Running the taps may well be to create steam, which can help. As long as the plug isn’t in, it won’t flood. Do you have a shower? Running that may be better.

Is DS taking paracetamol (and ibuprofen if he can take it)? Would DS use a nasal spray?

I've bought him ,all different kinds of medication to choose from .
He's spent the last two nights shouting and making loud angry noises .
He's spitting on the floor and the floor is covered in dirty tissues despite me giving him plastic bags to put rubbish in .
Luckily he's mainly staying in his room

My DH has gone back to work
He has been off with it a week ,I've run myself ragged looking after him ,and just as he goes back the DC get it .
I dread my adult DC getting ill , because he gets angry with it ,
And now I'm left on my own trying to manage an angry man

I try to offer advice ,such blow your nose ,don't suck it up ,or take some cough mixture and he just starts shouting and screaming and yelling arhhhhhh at me

Could DH take some leave?

Would DS spit into tissues or a glass?

It can be a really difficult sensory experience for some autistic DC.

Wider than the current issue, what support is DS receiving? Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DS’s needs for DS.

We have a package of 9 hours support from social services..
But he won't engage with the people sent
So he goes to his room leaving me to deal with them ..which consists of them asking me questions about the value of my home and holding me up for hours at a time drinking tea and eating biscuits.
So it's currently on hold until he gets his own place ,which he doesn't want and wouldn't cope with .
The agency sent a different male we had never met each time ..so I was letting complete strangers in to our home and never knowing who was coming..none of them could drive ,so couldn't take him anywhere and had no plan on arrival..just sat drinking tea .and they arrived on completely different days to planned and different times so frequently a couple of hours earlier or later ..so it was impossible getting him ready for when they arrived..to be absolutely honest it caused immense stress to me and him
There was a language barrier as well which caused a lot of confusion,as they wrote on his records he had schizophrenia and was on medication for it ..neither of which was true ,and could of had grave implications in an emergency.
Prior to that he had a social worker from 18 to 25 which was withdrawn at age 25 when the scheme finished.

Anyway he's slightly better today ,and there was no shouting last night

Have you considered direct payments and looking for your own PA? That way, it won’t be a constant stream of different people and you can choose when and who it is so you don’t have to have anyone you don’t like/get on with/won’t work. I would be shutting down inappropriate conversations, such as the cost of the house.

I looked in to that at first ,and it's a lot of responsibility.id have to be their employer and pay wages and do tax returns..I didn't think I'd cope with the responsibility on top of having two adult DC with autism at home .
The hours are there if he changes his mind we can try another agency ,but I've enough to cope with with out being someones employer.
The boys have had EHCPs for the last 15 plus years and with that has been a stream of people in our home easily about 30 people for the two boys over 15 years and I had no say over any or them coming in ,it was schemes and tutors the LEA put in place ....and all they ever did was cause upheaval,or report us to social services ( for something CAMHS were aware of and helping us with ) .
It was a cause of major stress for me ,and just added to a difficult life because the boys would not engage with anyone.
I decided after the agency disaster that I was done facilitating any more people.but if the boys want people in ,I won't stop it ,but I'm not getting involved.if that makes sense ,

So you have all the information to make an informed decision, there are payroll companies who can do everything related to being an employer for DS. The council can fund such payroll companies as part of DS’s package.

Ok thanks .appreciate your help