To mums with ASD/C Dds

[Canadawet]

my 2 Dds now aged 20 and 17 are on the spectrum. They don’t groom very well, that’s an understatement. I’m constantly telling them to brush their hair, wear a bra, put clean clothes on, I’m therefore constantly criticizing them. They have no friends. The older one hurts the feelings of people unknowingly, the younger one has no understanding of personal space and no table manners. I’ve been saying the same things over and over and over again. To no avail. I feel like a complete failure as a mum. They are not going to master these skills are they? How can I support them better?

Please don’t feel like a failure. Sounds like you have been trying to help them both.
A lot of materials are aimed at younger teens. These issues are usually covered in school in PSHE lessons etc.
Often at a younger age thorough showering etc needs to be demonstrated.

The problem is probably due to executive function difficulties. If you sat your DDs down and asked them about personal hygiene and grooming they would probably be able to say what to do to stay clean and healthy. I’m sure that products and of course hot water, brushes etc are available but they just can’t put the two together.
Add to that possibly not knowing or caring what others think ( maybe) adds to the difficulty.
This book is thorough and uses humour and cartoons but may be too young for them?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Personal-Hygiene-Whats-that-Got/dp/1843107961

If you look on JKP publisher you can see some pages.

Thank you for replying, I’m feeling better today:)
yes executive functioning is very likely the issue, particularly with dd2, she scored on the 5th centile for that aspect poor thing, but on the 95th centile for verbal communication. So yes she understands everything, can explain it, but won’t do it. Maddening