My son is 18 , autistic and struggling - as am I .
He’s the most loving boy - but he’s getting more and more rage . He’s never hurt anyone , but I just feel like more and more he has anger in him . When he gets distressed he will hit himself or slam / break things . Always immense guilt afterwards . He’s fiercely independent but not always capable and I feel like he’s a ticking bomb - if I try to help him with anything , he gets angry and upset . If I don’t help him and he does something wrong, he gets angry and upset. I feel like I tip toe around him and I don’t know how to cope . He’s unhappy himself and has expressed this to me - he doesn’t like that he can’t accept help or that he gets angry if I try to talk to him , he doesn’t know how to handle it . He thinks he has adhd too ( which makes sense ) . He has massive anxiety - not diagnosed but clear to see .
me and his dad are seperated . He doesn’t like his dad knowing anything - things he’s worried about , outbursts etc . If I were to tell him and his dad mentioned it to him , he would come home and have a meltdown . He never has meltdowns with his dad and I think that’s because his dads way is to either punish him ( an attitude of ‘ act like a child get treated like a child ‘ ) or think he can solve it by sitting him down for massive , drawn out conversations that my son absolutely hates . I stopped telling him about meltdowns about 2 years ago after he had a big one and I tried to speak to him about getting our son support ( going to the doctors ) and he said no way , he’s not having another diagnosis and he’s not going on medication and , again , answer was that he needs to have consequences.
So as it stands , his dad thinks all is fine. He doesn’t believe in anxiety , has implied that it’s my fault he’s anxious because I’m a worrier and thinks that our son just needs to learn how to behave correctly.
I think he needs support . Maybe a diagnosis of adhd might help ( although he already has a diagnosis of autism ) or some medication to help with how he is feeling . But I wonder if I did take him would the doctor tell his dad ? Would they get anyone else involved thinking I can’t cope ?
I don’t know what to do to help and I hate seeing him suffer. I’m also exhausted .