Guilt but want to get it off my chest

[Hichoca]

Im not sure where to start but my DD (diagnosis ADHD /ASD) drives me mad.

We get on ok but certainly not close. She’s now turned 25 and has met a girl she likes and often stays over her place. I’m just so relieved when she’s not here but I’m not proud of saying this. I wish we had a better relationship but it’s not something I feel will change that much. Apart from liking the odd TV series, there’s nothing else in common. I feel she’s hard to get along with, she can be loud, rude and there have been times when she’s really upset me.

Does Anyone else feel like this or am I just an awful person?
I do try with her but it often can go wrong.

Of course you're not an awful person! I'm sure you love your daughter dearly. It's hard to live with anyone and we don't choose our children or our parents. It sounds great that she has a friend who she can spend time with and you both get a break from each other.
My son and I both moved in with my mum when he was 19 (my relationship broke down) and then I moved out when he was 20. Our relationship was ok (it was difficult at times when he was a younger teen) but it improved loads when we weren't living together and we now get on brilliantly (he is 23). Is it possible for your daughter to move out and be more independent or does her asd/adhd prevent that? I think there can often be a difficult dynamic between young adult children and their parents when they still live at home

Oof, can I join you on the mum guilt doorstep please? My adult child with SEN isn't living at home fulltime at the moment. And I have been really enjoying a bit of time with my other children. My other children are so much fun. Feels like there's more air to breathe - like you, I feel so bad feeling that way.

Of course, nothing like that lasts does it, and said offspring has just thrown a spanner in the works. The guilt doesn't stop, does it! And it feels like there's no choice but to keep absorbing the ways they upset you. I feel like a crusty brown used-up kitchen sponge! Nothing useful to add, just that you are not alone. Ho hum.

You are most welcome to join. Sorry you can relate and yes, it’s tough isn’t it. She would like to move out but with not a lot of money, it’s going to be some time. I often feel guilt ridden so thank you for not making me feel that way. My other child lives away so I’ve sort of missed out on a relationship with him too.