Mainly wanting to vent, but would appreciate some kindly given advice too.
I have a 19 year old DD who is AuDHD with a PDA profile. Recently diagnosed, but I suspected for years this was the case so I try to keep demands to a minimum and accommodate her as much as possible and this has helped a lot.
When she is calm and regulated she is a truly kind and loving person. However, the irony of PDA seems to be that whilst she cannot tolerate demands, she has no trouble loading demands on to me, especially when she is feeling any pressure or anxiety.
I am finding this incredibly frustrating as I bend over backwards to help her, but she doesn’t then utilise the things/advice she has asked for. Then she blames me for her situation not improving. Nothing is ever enough, and everything that goes wrong is always my fault.
If I express any feelings of hurt or frustration then she tells me I have a victim mindset and just want to make everything about me. I try hard not to take things personally, but sometimes it is hard to shake off - being blamed and heavily criticised day after day takes its toll.
I want things to improve but am a bit stuck as to how. Any wise words appreciated, thank you.