My Autistic son doesn’t like my partners children

[Miss579squishy]

Hi everyone,
hopefully someone can give me some advise. So I have a 15 year autistic son from a previous relationship. I’ve been with my current partner for 6 years and we have a 3 year old who is also diagnosed autism. My partner has two children from a previous relationships that we have over night once a week one week and then the weekend the next. They are not Sen children.
when they are at our home they are very noisy! And literally take up mine and my partners attention, they are non stop and actually do my head in a lot (my child was non verbal until around 9) so my autistic son is left a little bit more than when they are not here. I try and get him to play games with us all or join in the conversations that are going on but he’s not interested. My son talks a lot to himself and I do see his children occasionally looking at him.
my son tends to isolate himself and says they’re too noisy and gets into moods when he can hear they are taking up a lot of my attention. When they’re not here, our home is very chilled and not chaotic at all.
im not sure what to do in this situation, I can’t stop his kids from coming over & they both love me so they both want to be around me all the time.
things have also been rocky between me and my partner lately. He’s generally a good guy but it is like having another child I have to look after and although he is the stay at home dad I pick up a lot of his duties in the stay at home role. I’ve quit my job recently as it was effecting my time with my children. Me and my partner have argued about money and me paying for his kids. I generally do believe he just hasn't got the capacity that is required to be so hands on all the time and over the last year, I’ve barely gone out with the kids where as a few years back me and my eldest were out every day!
we went on holiday recently and my eldest chose to stay in his room as my step children were too noisy & I know it upsets him them taking up a lot of my time. Has anyone got any advise please? I’m not sure what to do, should I leave him on the grounds his children are too much for my child to be around?
is there a way I can approach my son?
Thanks in advance

The one place your child should not have to mask or deal with the stress of the NT world is at home. When you have multiple children, you are going to have to balance the needs of those children, but it is your job to find a way to carve out both physical and mental space to give your ND children the respite they desperately need.

if noise and chaos are dominating your home, something is very wrong. It needs to be allowed because there are other children, but it needs to be contained.

i can’t imagine living in a house where I felt like I (ASD) or my dd (also asd) couldn’t come into the common areas without exhausting ourselves because of noise, too much talking, or too much light.

This isn't a problem for your DS to fix although a safe space away from everything and some noise cancelling headphones sound like they might help.

These are your DH's DC. He needs to step up. He can see what affect their behaviour is having on you and DS. What's he doing to reduce that?

How often does he take them out?

I'd be expecting him to have them out of the house for at the very least half of each day and then have time with them doing things like baking, chores, okaying in the garden for some time as well.

And if DH isn't performing in his current role as a stay at home dad and you're not working, how many jobs has he applied for?

As it stands it doesn’t sound like living as a blended family is working for DS. It also sounds like DH isn’t pulling his weight. DH needs to pull his weight.