17 yo burnout and school refusal

[ricepudding]

Hallo

My DS moved from specialist school to mainstream for sixth form. He was doing really well, had friends, doing great academically but hit a period of burnout and depression about 6 weeks ago. He took time off, has recovered and says he is no longer depressed but he feels unable to go into school. He just can't cross the threshold to leave the house to get there.

Obviously he is now getting depressed because of that. I'm terrified of him dropping out completely because I think he would just game 24/7 which is all he does when he's not at school. Also, he's really bright and keen to go to university, it's really sad to see him struggling so much.

Has anyone got any advice?

What was the reason for moving to mainstream? Could they go back to their old school or find somewhere new?

Unfortunately there aren't any settings anywhere nearby that do academic A levels, including his old school. We scoured all the neighbouring counties.

I am thinking about plan Bs though. I have had ten years of ECHP stress and really can't face the thought of going through it all again. I don't really know what other possibilities there are. We could ask for EOTAS, but I think it would take years to come through, where we live they certainly wouldn't agree on the basis of just half a term out of school. Also, given that he has enough GCSEs I imagine he just won't be a priority.

Sorry to sound so negative, it is really useful to have a space to think it all through

Have you requested an early review of the EHCP?

What support is currently in the EHCP? Any therapies? Anything that taps into the gaming interest? Is anything that is detailed, specified and quantified in F being provided even though DS can’t attend sixth form?

EOTAS doesn’t have to take years. Yes, you may have to appeal, but that won’t take years. You don’t need the LA to agree, ultimately it isn’t them making the decisions. DC will only be a priority if you drive the process, advocate for him and enforce his rights.

Would DS consider boarding? Do you feel able to say where you live?

Thank you. I'm in London. I think DS wouldn't be keen on boarding, though I think it would be a good option. I have friends with DS doing well at More House.

I have been feeling that it is a bit premature to review EHCP, but perhaps not. Nothing in F that can be delivered at home. This is all really helpful thank you. It is hard to see how much to worry/ how much to push when you are in it. I really appreciate your objective input.

EHCP specified regular pastoral care slot adult. He had this early on, then was resistant and tbh he was doing so well that we didn't push back when he said he didn't need it. This was big mistake as there is no one who he has a relationship with there who has time to support him into school even if he gets to the gates.

He has been really happy there, good friends, flying academically. If there is a way to save this placement, with more support/reduced timetable that would be ideal as leaving would be very painful for him

It isn’t premature to review the EHCP. The EHCP needs amending to include more provision whether DS remains at the current placement or not. If there’s nothing in F that could be delivered at home then it needs improving anyway. DS needs therapeutic provision in there and PfA both of which could be provided at home.

It may be the current placement environment is too overwhelming so this wouldn’t work, but you could consider dropping to 1 or 2 A levels with other therapeutic provision and PfA alongside.

It is a shame More House isn’t within travelling distance for you. In a similar area to More House is Unsted Park. Slightly closer to London is Wemms - like many specialist schools it has a mixed reputation, parents either love it or hate it. In Barnet there is Holmewood who offer A levels depending on the cohort they have at the time some in conjunction with a local college and a minority at the school. If DS would be open to boarding there are lots of other options.

Another thought, it may not be feasible &/or DS may find it too exhausting but are you in a place in London where More House might work as a day placement, albeit with a long commute? Once settled as a day placement, DS May then be open to weekly boarding.

Thanks so much, really good advice. We are in SE London, so the other side unfortunately.

I think this placement could work, if he can get back in, with a reduced timetable and therapeutic support. Agree dropping an A level is a good idea. It's tricky because DS is not mature enough yet to handle the fact that he isn't like everyone else.

What is PfA?

Sorry, I googled. Preparing for adulthood.

Yes preparation for adulthood. DS’s EHCP should already cover it, but it sounds like it needs improving.

If the current placement doesn’t work, depending on where in SE London, Unsted Park may be just about doable as a day placement. It is a bit closer to you than More House.