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Son's inappropriate behaviour

13 replies

Aprilcherry04 · 02/03/2024 00:11

My son is a young adult with severe learning disabilities. He attends a few sporting activities aimed at people with disabilities like him. My son would have some behavioural problems which we are always trying to cope with and he is also waiting for assessment for ADHD. One of the other parent/carers doesn't like my son, she never claps or shouts when he performs well, even though she'll shout encouragement to everyone else. She also has made a few remarks to me about him but I just ignore it, even though I find it hurtful. I also find her quite snappy with me. The other week we were at a fundraising meeting and she was looking for a venue and I said I had a contact at a local one and I could ask about it. She shouted really loudly "No! No! Don't speak to them. Under no circumstances go behind my back and speak to them." I was a bit taken aback and replied that of course I wouldn't, I was only trying to help. She said she would sort it herself as she also had a better contact. I said OK that's fine but I was upset by her tone and manner. Fast forward to this week and we were at another sporting event, waiting for the athletes to finish. My son came up behind me and grabbed my waist and make me jump. He then proceeded to step beside me, and to me it looked like he did the same to her but she screamed "Don't u dare touch me! How dare u touch me. Don't ever do that again!" I said sorry what did he do and she said he grabbed her bottom. I apologised to her and berated my son and said it was inappropriate. I would have liked to discuss it calmly. But she kept on screaming at him right in his face over and over and my son kept saying he didn't understand so I said I'm going to leave now. Now I know what he did was highly inappropriate and unacceptable and I'm not condoning his behaviour. I don't even know why he did it as he never has any interaction with her. She has reported it to the safeguarding officer. My son was due to attend a different sporting activity tomorrow but I feel we can't attend as she'll be there and will probably talk about what happened even though this is a different sport and not connected. I am angry at my son but I also feel like the lady didn't handle it well. I would never have done that to her child. I would have said don't do that please and then spoken to her in private. She yelled at us in front of a few other parents and I am so humiliated. I can't stop crying.

OP posts:
SuperFi · 02/03/2024 11:07

@Aprilcherry04 I have experience of SEN sporting sessions, I used to believe all the parents attending such sessions would be kind and understanding, but learnt that is not the case.

Can you speak to the group coordinator/ leader? She screamed in his face, totally unacceptable, and disproportionate. She is a bully alright, do you get on with any of the other parents who attend, could they support you?

Aprilcherry04 · 02/03/2024 11:20

SuperFi · 02/03/2024 11:07

@Aprilcherry04 I have experience of SEN sporting sessions, I used to believe all the parents attending such sessions would be kind and understanding, but learnt that is not the case.

Can you speak to the group coordinator/ leader? She screamed in his face, totally unacceptable, and disproportionate. She is a bully alright, do you get on with any of the other parents who attend, could they support you?

I do get on well with most of the other parents although she does have her clique. Two of the parents who witnessed it are friendly with me. Another parent is a very close of mine although they all contacted me privately to say they thought she overreacted, they're reluctant to get involved. The lady does admin for the club so she is a point of contact and the parents don't want to create an atmosphere.

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SuperFi · 02/03/2024 12:12

If she has reported the safe guarding officer, I would be tempted to contact them also to say your son was bullied by an adult who holds a position at the setting.

Sounds Like her little admin/POC role has given her some inflated sense of importance, pathetic really. Surely she must have to report to someone senior?

Aprilcherry04 · 02/03/2024 13:40

Guess who the safeguarding officer is, her husband!😱The chief coach says there's no deputy, but I said it would be inappropriate for me to discuss with him, so they gave me the number of another parent on the committee. She already knew of the incident as another parent told her. I gave my side of the story but she didn't comment much. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

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SuperFi · 03/03/2024 16:05

Oh no, that is tough, good for you for flagging it up. I think it’s good that the committee member had already heard about the incident from another parent. It doesn’t sound like there’s much accountability for the staff there, which is concerning.

Hope things improve, are there any alternative provision/ activities you could take DS to?

l now take my DS to a mix of mainstream and SEN sessions. The mainstream setting is boxing which DS really enjoys. It is very drill like and structured which he responds to. I did sound them out about his SEN before we signed up, and they’ve been great with him.

Aprilcherry04 · 05/03/2024 19:54

Update. Today I got a telephone call from the police. She reported this as sexual assault. The police are not investigating it but it means that my son's name will be on the system.

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cansu · 08/03/2024 19:27

I would make a complaint about her shouting at your son. I would make a point of being nowhere near her. If she stands next to you, say please do not stand near me and move away.

frazzledbutcalm · 11/03/2024 20:17

Have you asked your son what he actually did? It sounds as though you’re believing her story without question … I would also report her to the sporting governing body or similar for her inappropriate behaviour towards you and your son.

Aprilcherry04 · 12/03/2024 09:53

So I've been contacted by an unconnected sports group that my son and her son both attend and he's not allowed to attend that either until the issue has been sorted.

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Aprilcherry04 · 12/03/2024 09:55

frazzledbutcalm · 11/03/2024 20:17

Have you asked your son what he actually did? It sounds as though you’re believing her story without question … I would also report her to the sporting governing body or similar for her inappropriate behaviour towards you and your son.

He has admitted to touching her, I suppose cctv will confirm. There is also the possibility that he's easily influenced by suggestion, but I do think he probably dud touch her somewhere albeit fleetingly.

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frazzledbutcalm · 12/03/2024 12:08

Aprilcherry04 · 12/03/2024 09:55

He has admitted to touching her, I suppose cctv will confirm. There is also the possibility that he's easily influenced by suggestion, but I do think he probably dud touch her somewhere albeit fleetingly.

Has he said where he touched her? Was it her bottom or was it the same as he touched you?

Aprilcherry04 · 12/03/2024 16:47

He said he touched her bottom. Not in a sexual way, I believe, but to make her jump.

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frazzledbutcalm · 12/03/2024 20:10

Oh dear …. I mean as innocent as he thinks, that puts a whole different perspective on it unfortunately 🙁

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