Just want to give up - all out of ideas

[BramblyHedge]

I have posted previously. DS, 15 has probably ASD and ADHD (paediatrician diagnosis but been on CAMHs waiting list for over two years and it has been extended by at least 6 months. Private lists are all full. Like many we have had ongoing issues with CAMHs but they have finally give him some CBT sessions after lots of arguing. Just had our EHCP request rejected so now need to appeal that.

Depression and anxiety with 95% school refusal for a year. Now has alternative provision which is small scale tutoring in his SEN department. Can't fault school. They have been amazing. Currently reduced to 6 GCSEs but not even sure if he will do them. He is academically able (it is a grammar school) but just not able to engage at all. He had had a couple of good weeks but complete reversal this week. This week he has just wallowed in bed, ignored us and said he is too tired. So I think he is depressed. He refuses any medication which is his right. He is not going to tutoring , not going to the CBT. He is curled up in bed ignoring us. I just feel like giving up. I don't think I have anything left. I worry so much for his future and for his mental health and there seem to be nothing left to try and no support out there. This is a truncated version of it all. I just want to vent to people who maybe are going through similar and maybe find some sense of perspective which stops me completely flipping.

What does DS normally enjoy? Some DC find it easier to engage in therapy when it is an indirect form that relies less on verbal communication and is related to an interest. For example, if DS likes animals, animal assisted therapy is worth a try. If DS likes gaming, have a look at Mindjam.

Was the EHCP refusal a refusal to assess or refusal to issue?

If the tutoring in the SEN department isn’t working, the LA need to provide something else that is suitable. For example, home tuition, online schooling, an alternative provision (e.g. care farm, gaming AP, sports AP…).

Has DS seen an OT?

Gaming. So will look at Mindjam, thanks
EHCP is refusal to assess as they say he is academically able and has access to tutoring. I wonder if it is because it is a grammar school. Basically he is capable (i.e. passed 11+ without tutoring and was achieving until it all went wrong)...but I don't think he is actually academically able if he can't engage with education.

I will look at the other things you mention as not familiar. He won't do any home learning at all. Completely not able to do anything on his own..

Thanks for replying. It means a lot.

He got rejected for OT but school are trying to get that sorted.

As well as Mindjam there are a few gaming alternative provisions around, so you may have one within travelling distance. To give you an idea of the types of things I mean have a look at Overworld Esports Academy in Surrey, Tubers Academy in the south west, Geeks Room in Leeds, Imbue ventures in Derby. If tutoring in any form (home, online school, community, small centre) isn’t suitable you could look at something like this.

EHCPs are about more than academic ability. Even if DS could access the tutoring, which he isn’t, it still wouldn’t be a lawful reason to refuse an EHCP, so do appeal. The vast majority of appeals are upheld.

Thanks. That is reassuring about appeals. I'll have a look at the esport type of approaches. None of those are near us but I'd expect there to be something in my region..

Just wanted to add my support and say that I am in a very similar situation.
16 year old son, anxiety and I suspect, depression, spent the last 6 months of his GCSE year at home being tutored by me. He did go to his exams but no interest whatsoever, so didn't pass anything at all. Got a place in a college but left after the first day, saying he just couldn't face going again. Found a place for him at a small training provider, so he could resit but again, just couldn't face it. I chased CAHMS regarding a referral that was made months ago and we finally had a Zoom meeting with them. Their initial opinion, was there maybe some ASD traits which are causing the anxiety etc but we now have to wait for a official assessment. After advice on here, I have applied for an EHCP but have yet to hear anything.

He has now said he has no interest of going into any further education at all, during the CAHMS meeting and whilst speaking to staff at the college, it seems there was more bullying when he was at school then we were aware of, we knew of a couple of instances but it seems to have really affected him.
He was referred for CBT by the GP in January and have yet to hear anything and the GP now wont help until CAHMS carry out their assessment.

He stays in his bedroom most of the time, sleeping. Doesn't really engage with us or have an interest in anything.
He got himself so worked up about the colleges in the last few weeks, it's like he has burnt out. We were trying to be encouraging, taking him the the meetings and looking at the courses but it seems, he just isn't in the right space and it seems to have made him feel worse.

He now says he just wants to find a job, even part time, because he can't face any educational environment.

As you said, I don't really know what else to do now. I'm trying to just be there for him at the moment.

Londondreamer what week are you on with the EHCNA request? With an EHCP, education doesn’t have to be like typical education is and doesn’t have to be at school or college. For example, you could look at an EOTAS package, supported internship or apprenticeship. The benefit of an EHCP is it can include therapies DC wouldn’t otherwise get without the need to sit on the waiting list.

It was a couple of weeks ago, so I might chase it up.

The EOTAS package looks interesting , I'll look into it more. It's another option.

Thanks for the info.

Londondreamer the LA has 6 weeks to inform you whether they are going to assess or not.

YellowRosesWithRedTips

Oh, In that case, I'll wait a little longer then. Fingers crossed.