Violent son when distressed - scared for all of our safety and what it means for our future

[MrsT1704]

I feel absolutely broken writing this. My son has ASD and specific language impairment. His understanding can be very low at times.

When he is regulated, he is such a lovely boy, but when he gets distressed his behaviour is very unmanageable.

It's always been this way, but he is now as tall as me. He is so strong. I worry that he could actually kill me

I had to call the police tonight for the second time this month because he got a stress after I asked him to have a shower and after he saw my old phone and wanted it.

I have been punched, kicked, spat at, many things broken around the home and pushed hard into the wall where I hit my head.

Its been like this for years with some relief for 9 months or so when medication was provided. I paid privatley for psychiatry and he is on fluoxetine and aripiprazole (anti psychotic).

Things have got worse the last month or so but also split with my husband, his dad so that has had an impact.

My daughter is also suffering.

The police today have said I need to consider residential care. I can't get my head around him living somewhere else. Its breaking my heart but I also know I can't continue living like this.

Does anyone have any advice?

This sounds incredibly difficult.

How old is DS? Does he have an EHCP and have you had social care assessments? Depending on DS’s specifics needs you continuing care/continuing healthcare funding may be worth looking at too.

Would a medication review help? Either to increase the dose or switch meds.

Is DS receiving any MH support that could focus on helping DS process the split?

For DD, does she receive support from your local young carers service? Speaking to Sibs might help as well.

I didn't even realise I hadn't put his age, but he is 14. He has a statement (we are in Wales) and he seems to be doing ok in school at the moment. Although, looking at the last couple of incidents. One was the Friday before going back to school after the holidays and this one is a couple of weeks after being back into school so maybe he is finding school a bit difficult.

I am wondering if he's struggling with the demands of school so much that any further demands at home are sending him over the edge. Then obviously the split between me and his dad.

I wish he could have support to talk through things, but he struggles to put it into words and understand. He struggles to have any kind of conversation.

Funnily enough, I spoke to my daughter again yesterday before the incident about trying young carers club again. She tried it a few months ago but did not want to do it. Anxiety was too high at the time and she is still saying she prefers not to try it yet but she knows it there as an option.

I am so tired and I just don't feel I can do this much longer. We have a medication review next week thankfully. I hope they consider something else.

What about a therapy that doesn’t rely so much on verbal communication e.g. animal assisted therapy? Does DS like gaming? If so, have a look at Mindjam.

If isn’t easy to get, but then residential care have you thought about residential school? At some point this year the statement will transition to an IDP, that would be a good chance to review/amend provision.

Could you look into residential care? Just so you know what the options are.

I will have a look into some alternative therapies and try and look into residential care so that I have an idea.

The thought of it breaks my heart. Today he is back to my loving boy who is so sweet. Can't bear the thought of him not living here.

What about looking at weekly boarding?

Where do I even start when looking at residential care/weekly boarding? I haven't got a clue. I did google but got very overwhelmed

You can search for schools in Wales and England here.