How do I go about assessment if pre-teen refuses

[ComeTalkToMe]

My 11 Dd has recently started secondary. She had always displayed some anxiety, and over the last year this has become full meltdowns on returning home from school.

She has now had a full meltdown, starting off directed at another child, and continued in public with screaming, rocking and inability to calm down for quite some time.

I don’t know if this is a mental health issue, or some type of neurodiversity - but it is escalating and affecting her life, and others around her.

Despite this she refuses to speak to anyone or access any type of help. I’m not sure what my next step should be, any advice?

Have to spoken to the school about this? The pastoral team should be able to help and support you and your DD. Have you considered speaking to the doctor about this ? 💐💐

Thanks for your reply, I’m going to docs on Monday as I am not coping very well myself, I will mention my concerns as it’s all linked. I feel I need to speak to school too, she will be very against this - but it has reached a point where I feel it’s necessary.

If you asked her teachers, I think they would say there’s nothing wrong, she is very compliant in school - but as soon as she’s coming home it’s like a different child. It may not be any type of neurodivergence but there are other things that fit, and either way we need some help.

I wanted to post as we have been experiencing similar issues with DD14. She has struggled with anxiety on and off but significantly since transition to secondary school. She refused to talk to anyone until she recognised her own difficulties and then asked for help. Much of her anxiety is due to sensory overload. She’s awaiting assessment for ASD.

Like your daughter, school wouldn’t have noticed any issues as she was compliant and quiet but the effort in holding it together all day meant that she was exhausted and would often melt down at home.

I would speak to pastoral and maybe the SENCO too to discuss your concerns. Your GP can start the process for assessment if that’s something you think might be useful, but depending where you are, the waiting list can be years.

Thanks for this, it’s really difficult to ‘make’ her see that these things are causing an issue, as I think she is masking effectively and we only see it at home - except now some others have seen a meltdown.

I can see though she is exhausted trying to fit in, I don’t know if it is ND or anxiety, but I see her in pain and I want to help!

It's so difficult when they mask so effectively at school isn't it?

I think that we stated by taking about people we knew who were ND and how it affected them.

We had a conversation about it the other night, and she agreed she felt she was ‘different’ and it is causing her issues. We have an initial discussion with a psychologist next week - she absolutely refuses to let me speak to the school. I don’t know if I’m right or not - but either way she needs some help. Thanks for your replies.