I cannot live with my son anymore

[hahahahahah]

My son is 22 and has SEMH. He also has an eating disorder and is almost certainly neurodivergent (autism/PDA has been suggested but not formally diagnosed).

I live on my own with him. His father and his older brother are autistic and are either in residential care or supported living provision.

I find my son's need for control over the environment (and everything in it) and his eating disorder related behaviour very difficult to cope with. I also feel like he needs more intervention, more boundaries and more direction than I can provide. I fear that if he continues living with me, under the current situation, he will die, or he will hurt me.

He has just started to engage with a therapist whom he sees every fortnight, but my son has cancelled appointments already, and I fear so he will be without support again.

I want my son to move into some form of residential or supported accommodation, where he will receive more thorough support and guidance, and where he will have to engage a little with the real world. He has no employment, never completed his education, refuses to claim benefits and is totally irresponsible with money.

What should I do to get the ball rolling? My eldest son and husband had mental health crises and long periods in hospital, and were receptive to support, but my youngest is very different.

I feel so guilty even writing this. Yet, I know things cannot continue as they are, and he needs more help than I can give. I just want to know who to approach and what to say.

Call Adult Social Care in the first instance. Or go to your GP and ask for a referral - just say what you’ve said here. If there’s a risk to life you should let them know.

It may be a long wait, but if you’re assigned an experienced Social Worker in the transition team, they’ll be able to help with benefits and supported living options.

I second social care assessments. An assessment for DS and a carer’s assessment for you.

Does DS have an EHCP?

You can become DS’s appointee and claim PIP and UC on his behalf.

Is DS receiving support for his eating disorder?

Thank you for this advice. I will contact social care again. I have contacted them in the past, but my son has refused to engage, and is deemed as having mental capacity, so there was not much that I could do.

He has an appointment today with the mental health worker who is working with him with respect to his eating disorder. This is the appointment my son keeps cancelling. I am trying to keep things calm and positive so that he will go..

I also have the phone number for the DWP to get more advice on being an appointee, or to start the process.

Thank you

Just keep going if you can. Even if he refuses to engage, you can still ask for an assessment for yourself as you’re at the end of your tether.