Teen found out about ASD diagnosis by overhearing a conversation

[Dazzlerazzle]

My dd age 14 was assessed when she was 8 and given an ASD diagnosis. Aspergers. We never told her as school was so hard for her and felt she wouldn't be able to deal with it. She had no friends etc and hated school. She is sstill the same way 6 years on. Dh and I decided we were going to get her re-assessed this Yr once school was over and go from there.
Today I got a call from a dental clinic and on her record is ASD diagnosis. I said yes but my dd is unaware of her diagnosis. Dd overheard me and googled ASD. She is absolutely devastated, has been sobbing all day and won't come out if her room. I've been talking to her while she is roaring and screaming saying that I'm sorry she found out this way, explaining that we felt she wasn't ready to hear it and that we had planned re-assment this year.
She's now saying it's her fault she has no friends, she's brain dead, no wonder she's stupid in school and everyone saying it, that she can't let anyone know or she will be bullied.

Has anyone else been in my shoes and have words of wisdom for me.

TIA

Can you afford some sessions with a clinical psychologist?

I think this is the risk with not telling DC when they are younger. I am surprised DD hasn’t found out sooner. Why were you planning a reassessment? DC don’t outgrow autism. Have you not told DD because you don’t agree?

Does DD have an EHCP and has she got MH support via that? If so, that would be a way of securing support for DC coming to terms and accepting the diagnosis.

I'm on a waiting list for private counselling and she is on a public waiting list to see a child psychologist.

We didn't tell her as we didn't agree with it, this was an assessment done in 20minutes. (Private assessment) She has always suffered with anxiety and a nervous nature. We have had her at art therapy, social groups etc during primary years. But after starting secondary we said we would get her reassessed during summer holidays and deal with it from there.

I don't know what EHCP is?

Yes she does have EHCP, it's a different name where I'm from. She has had resource for typing since a young age as she has a physical condition whereby she might not be able to keep up writing later on. She has typing, English resource as she is dyslexic.

If you didn’t think DD has ASD what made you seek a private autism assessment?

Does the equivalent plan to an EHCP cover mental health provision? EHCPs (and e.g. IDPs in Wales and Statements of SEN in NI) can cover mental health therapies without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists.

Horrified reading this. If a qualified professional was willing to state that after only 20 minutes, then your child is autistic.

If it looks like it’s “going away” it’s because your child is desperately trying to blend in, please you and is masking. She can’t do it 24/7 forever. She will crash and burn if you don’t help her help herself.

Get a private assessment. You’ll need to wait for one, even privately, but it will take hours and you will be able to read through 20-40 pages documenting it all. Hope that helps you to believe.