17yr old with ASD/AHDD... out of college... what next?

[funkystars123]

Hi all,

DS is just 17.. when he was younger he was a bright, lively and quirky kid...he struggled with lots of things but was overall happy.

Since yr 8/9 he has really struggled with everything. Friends, girls, school, hobhues ( used to be a scout and football). Covid didn't help.!

He managed to scrape English and maths GCSEs and got a place to do a btec level 2 in art and design. He's always been talented in 3d art/ Lego/ construction.

He's struggled with friends and hss drifted into a group of kids who are all 'missfits'

They seem to support each other but mainly just hang around Parks/ each other houses. They smoke a bit of weed and drink a bit which has worried me but it does seem to be a bit.

After a bumpy start ( hates change!) He begun to settle and was on track to pass and go onto level 3... But last few weeks he has become unsettled again in the run up to the end..

A particular teacher has been very unhelpful and pushed about him wearing a hat... This escalated and this week they decided he needed a 'break'

So... No college until after half term, they will then let him in to fihish, pass but thats it....

No level 3 and no plan for anything else...

There is just nothing he wants to do other than hang out with friends. He is so flat and can't/ won't put any effort into anything...

I just see a future of nothing for him and don't know what to do... He's so disabled in so many ways, he just can't seem to see what he needs to do to move forward with anything.

I just don't know what to do next? And see a future if him living with us forever and becoming increasingly isolated and depressed.

Does DS have an EHCP? If not, you should request an EHCNA - IPSEA have a model letter you can use. If he already has an EHCP you need to request an early review.

Have you had social care assessments? And spoken to the local drugs service? A bit of weed won’t be helping the situation.

he doesn't have an echp...I will look into applying for one, not sure though if he's out of education...

He had a social care assessment last yr.. offered early help support that he refused... We were offered some parenting classes which we went to but they were for Nd families and it just didn't help us.

He's been offered drug support but won't engage.

He just says no to everything... I feel we are walking on eggshells all the time and it's just getting worse and worse.

Has he ever tried medication for the ADHD @funkystars123 or is that something else he refuses?

He is prescribed medication and is supposed to take it.. He knows it helps his focus and will agree to take it on college days but he often forgets to take it even when we have got it out for him.

He hates us 'nagging' and any sniff of it and he will refuse so I have had to really back off....

It really is like walking on eggshells- I am so worried that he will walk out and he just has no concept of real life.

Unfortunately the friendship group h has drifted into have parents that are very very slack and so he thinks that we are totally unreasonable and I am ridiculous for worrying..

I am struggling now with not resenting him- I know we will have to look after him for a long time. We have two other kids; our older daughter is doing really well in life, our youngest is also neurodiverse but is really working hard on overcoming challenges.

He just seems to think that he's 'not right' and this is just how life will be...making no effort to try.

I have fought for him for so long and now I am just tired and see a very depressing future.

An EHCP can provide support to help get DS to a point where he can engage with support and education.

Now DS is NEET I would be seeking support from social care again including requesting a carer’s assessment for you.

Even if DS won’t engage you can seek advice from a drugs service.

Is DS receiving PIP?

I will definitely look into the echp again.. we have never gone down that route for him as pre covid he was doing 'ok' and school and college just see it as behaviour not additional needs.

He doesn't get pip at the momemt but we have just had an assessment from a private ASD clinic so waiting for the report before we apply.

I will also get back in touch with social care..

Not sure what us talking to drugs team would do. We have talked to him so many times about it, I know he shouldn't smoke and wish he didn't but how at his age do you stop him?

The drugs service can support you to support DS.

If DS doesn’t receive PIP and presumably doesn’t work where is he getting the money from the buy weed?

If you apply for PIP &/or UC I suggest you request to become appointee.

What about an apprenticeship? Might move him into a different crowd and get him out of the house, plus he may be motivated by earning (even if you don’t want him spending it on weed, he’s clearly getting it somehow)

Hi

Yes I think this is an option if we can get him to look at them! Is adamant it's half term this week....

He needs to adjust to school terms etc don't mean anything if you are in education!

But it s going to take time like eveythinh!!