Sorry it’s a bit long but I’ve tried to remain to the point. DS14 has ADHD/ASC with PDA profile. He’s not attended school for a year but is still on roll and has been accepted into a Specialist School starting next September. He just has a tutor from school for a hour a day.
Last October DS got caught in possession of a knife. Cannabis was also found when he was searched. He had been hanging out with a lad a year older, like him not in school (well, 1 hour a day) same anxieties and waiting for ASC diagnosis. He’d not known the friend that long. This friend only ever went out on his own locally or not at all because he was afraid of interactions with other lads, I think there had been some trouble in the past. The knife was his which he asked DS to carry for him until they had got to the place they were travelling to on the day they got stopped. Yes, DS was stupid for agreeing but I believe what he told me to be true.
So I got “the call” from the police and they dropped him off. We went into the station a coupe of days later, DNA taken, fingerprints etc. Lovely helpful PC and Duty Solicitor. Was told to expect Youth Justice involvement and a Youth Caution was on the cards. All fair enough. Also contacted by a SW who said she didn’t need to get involved but explained about services that would likely be involved once YJ were onboard. To be proactive, as I knew if it dragged out he would be less likely to engage, we contacted these services (one drugs, one knife based crime). Had one session with the drugs counsellor and the youth worker for the knife crime was involved over 3 months with him basically being a mentor and taking him out an afternoon a week. It was beneficial as it was practically the only time he left the house.
SIX months down the line YJ got in contact. I explained on the phone everything we’d done and they arranged to meet DS. Visit went well, really good chat. DS engaging begrudgingly (par for the course) and what appeared to be lots of help from the bloke for future support and discussions about Community Resolution. We got left some forms for us to fill in and a visit was arranged for the following week.
I completely forgot about this next visit. I’m wfh full time, dealing with DS, having to micro manage him because of his demand avoidance, single mum with inattentive ADHD. It’s draining. I hadn’t completed all of the forms and because DS hadn’t been forewarned about visit because I forgot wouldn’t engage or even come down as he was gaming. If I’d have forced him it would have been pointless, he would not have engaged in any meaningful way. YJ said to email the forms back as DS’s panel review was the following week and he needed to write up a report.
I sent the forms back explaining that I’d had to scribe DS’s responses to anything other than the YES/NO questions as he hates writing, refused to do it. He also wouldn’t answer the last few questions about his future because he wanted to get back to what he’d been doing (gaming, quelle surprise..) and to be honest he hasn’t a bloody clue about what he wants to do and has filled out so many forms like this over the last four years with no apparent improvement in his life. I explained in the email I was disappointed with him.
Anyway, to get to the crux of it I got what I thought was a really snotty email back. He said he didn’t think he could support Community Resolution given DS’s lack of engagement/apparent lack of remorse/not fully admitting fault. I was really pissed off because AT THE TIME, DS had fully engaged with the Police and I was really proud of the way he handled himself given what he is normally like. He fully co-operated, accepted what he’d done etc. But in his autistic mind all this happened 6 months ago. He has never seen this lad since, never goes out (he has no friends) so doesn’t get into trouble. The bloke doesn’t seen to appreciate that it’s not that he won’t engage but that he is really struggling to after this length of time.
Yes, if it needs a Youth Caution fair enough, but after discussing Community Resolution at some length in the face to face meeting to not take then into account DS’s disabilities and offer him the opportunity to avoid a Youth Caution by going down this less formal route I think is unfair and really disingenuous. The bloke has had one meeting with him and has come to this conclusion. DS is so removed from most social interactions at the moment I think CR could really help him.
Am I being unreasonable/excusing DS’s actions, not letting him take responsibility? Or am I right to feel pissed off?