Complicated grief

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My son is a young adult with severe autism, learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. He is soon to be starting at a long term placement.

I don't have any other children.

I think I'm struggling with complicated grief. I haven't come to terms with the way my son is and I'm not sure I ever will. I love him of course but I'm still grieving the child I wish I'd had. I'm not constantly upset but have periods where I'm more at peace with how things are and then suddenly the grief hits again. Mother's day was very painful.

I don't know anyone in this situation at all. Due to my health my son hasn't lived with me for a few years and I don't talk about him much as its too painful.

I feel very guilty in a lot of ways as I feel I should have made peace by now but somehow it's still a struggle.

Bringing him up had its good times but I was a very young mother with health difficulties and found it close to unbearable at times despite social workers throwing all the support at me they could.

How do I move on and accept the past? I don't want to remain like this until I die.

I'm throwing this out there in case anyone can relate in any way.

Yes I can relate.

My situation is slightly different with it being my daughter (21) who has ASD/ADD, lives with me and my husband at home. It’s been a difficult few years for one reason or another.

You mention you don’t know anyone in your situation. Could this be something you could consider looking into? Perhaps any local groups or online? I feel it would help provide some support for you, some understanding from others going/gone through the same.

You mention feeling guilty that you haven’t yet made peace with this. I can fully understand and relate to this as one day I’m fine whilst another it starts again…round and round in my head…

I know it’s not easy but please be kind to yourself. You’ve done your best and that’s all we can do.