School being inflexible with handover

[mrsfeatherbottom]

So, I'll try to be as concise as possible. DD(12) diagnosed ASD last summer. Has struggled with transition to 'big school' and her attendance has been awful. She has horrendous anxiety, is seeing a counsellor and is on the waiting list for CAMHS. The school so far have been very supportive and flexible.

Finally got 1-1 classroom assistant hours a couple of weeks ago and the school have a CA who was just finishing up with a kid in fifth year so have assigned them to DD, which is great. However, we are now dealing with the SENCO more than before and finding the relationship difficult.

They firstly tried to suggest that DD (who has been only in for maybe 40 minutes a day for months) come back in full time! I expressed concern that we need to take things slowly. We finally got them to agree to a fixed time of 11:40 for pick up to start off with but they insisted that when we arrive at school, I do not get out of the car with her and her assistant will not walk right up the car, but that she has to get out on her own and if she hasn't done that within 10 minutes, I am to drive away.

I used to get out with her for the handover so this a big change and the point of separation has always been really tricky for her. She has been tears because she really wants to be in school (she has friends there, is very bright etc) but that she can't bring herself to get out of the car on her own.

So, we tried this for three days and she just gets stuck. She is in tears, begging me to get out with her but I promised the SENCO that we would try their method. She has started to say things like "why do they not want me to get into school" and I'm worried that she will not trust them in the future.

Am I mad or are they?

DH and I have a meeting with the SENCO and VP next week but it seems like madness to continue with this every day when it's clearly not working and I'd love to get her in and building a relationship with her CA before the summer holidays, to make September easier.

HELP!

They are being ridiculous (but you know that).

I do know that but do you ever doubt yourself? Especially when exhausted from a year of trying to get your distressed child out of the house? They keep saying that we need to stop negotiating with her (like she's a terrorist) when I actually just see it as comprising to assist her into school. For example, in the past, I might have asked that she only do two periods rather than not going in at all.

Oh, I know. I spend so much time second guessing. My DD missed all of last year y11, and now at college has good days and bad days, attendance this year around 75%. Sometimes I think I push too hard, sometimes I think I'm too easy...

Has she got an EHCP? Sounds to me like she would meet the requirements. We got one for DD this year (her old secondary never even mentioned it when she was off for all y11). Your school seem to be treating this like a behaviour issue rather then medical.

We are in NI so no EHCP but she has just been awarded the equivalent, I think - a statement of special educational needs

Does the statement say anything about handovers?

Not specifically.

Bit of an update:

After three days of me not getting out of the car and her not getting into school, I emailed the SENCO on Friday afternoon and said that DD was asking why they weren't trying to help her get into school and that I was struggling to justify it to her. I suggested we go back to me getting out of the car as before and she sent a snippy reply saying that I could! So, this morning, I got out with her and walked her to the door to meet her CA. Lo and behold, she actually went in! (Admittedly, I had a call to collect her within the hour but I'm still seeing it as a win)