Isolated teen by own choice - struggling to get them to socialise when it’s expected

[theRealBlueSmartie]

What do I do?
DD (13) has ASD. She doesn’t want to socialise in person with peers. We’ve tried and even groups specifically for teens with asd are rejected. The group leaders seem to be able to engage with the other children and they manage to go and get our autistic teen can’t and I don’t know what to do?

being home educated as well we are asked to show how we are getting her to socialise and it’s the one thing we can’t manage so what do we do , I don’t want to let her down but it seems like the requirement to socialise from a home Ed perspective is for NT children? Do we explain that it doesn’t/shouldn’t apply to us

and also , I’m just feeling stressed about it all

Your DD needs to socialise! Just because she's got autism doesn't mean otherwise. She struggles with it and needs support. Have you tried transitioning her into the group? First by getting to see photos of the various people and talking to them online first, and then socialising with them individually in person until she is used to them.

But she is adamant she doesn’t want to ? What do I do ?
I thought it I keep offering opportunities and making sure the offer is there to attend groups then that’s all I can do as I can’t physically drag her because it’s seen as the right thing to do when she is saying no firmly ?

yes we’ve tried transitioning but she’s not receptive to it as doesn’t want to talk to other people or go anywhere. She becomes so exhausted by getting ready / masking when there that she says the negatives outweigh the benefits 100% and she just doesn’t want it

Talking to people via message or online she can do but physically going somewhere is too much. I can’t drag her when she expressed that she doesn’t want to go but we keep offering opportunities

i worry about damage from being isolated but am I looking at it the wrong way - yes that would damage a NT child but is forcing her to socialise actually going to damage her

Have you tried different transitioning methods. For example these people she talks to online, does she voice call them/video call, has she seen what they look like. Meeting them could help because she is so used to them

Yes and she won’t do video calls/FaceTime as gets too stressed as can’t talk in front of others / to others once stressed she literally just can’t speak

It causes such huge physical exhaustion too that a 30 or 60 min group can then make her exhausted for hours afterwards

I feel like we’ve tried and tried and now maybe need to take a step back and says it’s ok we won’t push at all but to keep reminding her regularly that all options are still available and we can take her to groups or have a friend round or go out whenever she wants to but put the ball in her court

I know the ideal is to socialise but I think the pressure is too much at the moment

It sounds like DD needs OT, SALT and MH support. Is she receiving any? Have you considered applying for an EHCP?

No none of these. She’s home educated so I don’t think needs an EHCP

You need to try to get DD more support with OT, SALT and MH services as all of them can help with the issues you describe. An EHCP would be one way of securing these therapies. Some LA’s are willing to provide EHE families with EHCPs a PB, which is why I mentioned it. It is also possible to secure EOTAS rather than continue EHE.

I will look into salt and ot support it would definitely help I think so will try to sort that out.

not going to go down the ehcp route and we definitely think home education is the way to go rather than eotas