Do we complain to the headteacher?

[FlemCandango]

I have a DD y11 with a (very new) EHCP. Due to her stage of education we have had the annual review meeting this week though it has only been in place a couple of months.

Dd is autistic, has ADHD and is highly anxious. Despite this she has been able to take on a full set of GCSEs, has done very well in recent mocks, is very well behaved and well liked by her teachers. Her effort grades are high, she is well behaved.

The SENCO has been a difficult person to deal with throughout. He is abrasive and defensive and I don't like him. Despite this I was approaching the review meeting positively, my perception was that DD had more support in place, this was having a positive effect. The execution isn't perfect, but overall there was a lot to celebrate. I appreciate the efforts of the staff and of my daughter.

So the meeting happens, DD is at school with SENCO and TA, me and DH join virtually from home. There is a long discussion of post 16 options, a heavy emphasis on looking at other 6 forms/ colleges. Discussion of the A levels she would like to do all ok.

Then the teacher comments report is brought out and has not been shared with us prior. So we are trying to read it on a shared screen. Some concerns from teachers - comments about DD being "very very worried" and visibly anxious in class, lots of positive comments about progress as well. Then the discussion is hi-jacked by the TA/ SENCO saying DD is sometimes rude to TAs trying to help DD in class. This has not been discussed with us beforehand, no warning and no concrete examples. Just a very blunt criticism.

Unsurprisingly this floors DD, she is already visibly anxious in the meeting and uncomfortable. She tries to apologise and is not sure what they mean. No context or examples are given so she is not sure how to respond. Me and DH are witnessing our daughter dissolve into tears and distress on screen. We try to intervene, saying how inappropriate this is as DD has a social communication disorder ffs - she needs support and a much kinder approach. Constructive criticism is fine - that was not constructive and I cannot think what they wanted to achieve. If they wanted to upset us and DD then they did!

The SENCO responded to our saying this was inappropriate by saying he disagrees, without explanation. He doubles down on saying DD comes over as rude, again without any examples or suggestions for what she could do instead of whatever it is they are saying is rude!

Dd is allowed to leave so she can return to her maths lesson, still crying at this point, we have tried to offer reassurance over the screen.

My husband has to leave to go to a meeting. I am left with dickhead the SENCO to finish with a rush through of the changes the school has made to the text of the EHCP.

He hastily alters on screen while I am watching a paragraph where they have added a line saying DD is rude to the TAs, changing the wording to inadvertently abrupt sometimes. I am then completely aware that the criticism wasn't a poor choice of words in error but premeditated. It is so disheartening.

I left the meeting having lost all confidence in the SENCO, despite the fact that there has been progress since DD got her EHCP. I feel sad for DD who had a very difficult day but stayed in school and went in today.

The SENCO literally shat on a meeting that should have been positive! Wtf.

I feel so sorry for your and your daughter. I would be fuming. When my daughter had her ADD assessment I had the letter be very clear what behaviours my daughter had and how the teachers should deal with them. For example it says she has attention problems which means she might ask questions about information just said but not to draw attention to these as this is her ADD and it effects her confidence pointing out she has asked them to repeat something. Queue parent evening by screen two weeks later and yes teachers saying to her she is asking questions about obvious information. My daughter was very upset. But I was able to write a letter to the school cutting and pasting the comment about how to handle her questions and the teacher concerned wrote me a heart felt apology and asked me to meet with him to talk about how he can better sort her needs.
I am so angry for you. You don't need to know much about autism to know its a social sen and someone could be abrupt! Daft gits!

I'd be fuming in your position. This is so unfair to your dd.
How the hell is it supposed to be constructive for DD, who had already been described as anxious, to then be told out of the blue that she is rude?
And, if that were the case, why hadn't it been addressed before now if it's such a problem?
Sending her back to lessons so upset is also unacceptable.
In my view that alone would be enough for a complaint.
By the way, you don't have to agree with the changes to the EHCP and can request that your views be recorded on it.
It's all been very poorly handled by the school. Definitely either address your email to the Head (what I would do), or copy them in.
(Another shocked teacher here.)

Agree with what PP are saying but just wanted to clarify..

Did you write that the SENCO changed what was written in the document while you watched? Surely this is inappropriate, was it their own written comments or someone else's? If the comment about her being rude was accurate enough to be written to start with and brought up to you and DD in the review, why was it changed ? Do you think that it originally said ‘abrupt’ the SENCO then changed it for the meeting and then was putting it back to the original wording to cover their tracks? It just all seems fishy to me

Oh, and insist that in future you and DH either come into school for future meetings, or that they take place after school has finished so dd can come home and be with you (when appropriate) during the meeting.

Lots of things wrong with how this meeting was set up really. I mean it is basic courtesy and good practice to ensure that all attendees of any meeting are provided with any written documents for the discussion in advance. That's before you get into the host of problematic issues that running this particular meeting about this particular topic with these particular attendees.

Definitely raise your concerns.

@Snoken

I agree with *@StrictlyAFemaleFemale*. Young people need to be able to express themselves, make judgements on what is OK and not, without being called rude or abrupt. I can't stand it when people say young people have to be submissive to older people. It creates an unhealthy hierarchy which is now making your DD doubt herself and feel as if she is doing something wrong when she isn't.

It would break my heart to see my DD break down like that over video link, and I think you should absolutely not let the SENCO get away with it. Respect is something to earned, and it doesn't come automatically with age. I think your DD handled herself very well.

I can see where you are coming from, but there have to be boundaries over what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behaviour or the school will be in chaos. The reality is that school is a hierarchy just like most organisations and young people do need to be shown the best ways to function in such hierarchies, manage their behaviour and learning when it is appropriate to challenge authority and when not.

The problem is not that they said she was rude and abrupt, it was that there were no clear and specific examples provided that demonstrate what the behaviour was and that can be learned from. These were just absolute statements with no evidence.

@SeaToSki

Agree with what PP are saying but just wanted to clarify..

Did you write that the SENCO changed what was written in the document while you watched? Surely this is inappropriate, was it their own written comments or someone else's? If the comment about her being rude was accurate enough to be written to start with and brought up to you and DD in the review, why was it changed ? Do you think that it originally said ‘abrupt’ the SENCO then changed it for the meeting and then was putting it back to the original wording to cover their tracks? It just all seems fishy to me

Hi Sea, to clarify - the teachers comments document was a separate thing. No mention of rudeness.

Then when we were going through the EHCP sentences had been added by the SENCO as part of their alterations for the review. The sentence saying DD "can be rude" had been added to the section describing her SEN. As I observed the wording being altered to "abrupt but unintentionally" or words to that affect, the only conclusion is that he thought better of using rude as a description after DH and I objected. Though he clearly said he disagreed with us.

I'm also a teacher and this situation sounds awful. From my perspective, a couple of weeks before an annual review, subject teachers are emailed and asked how that student is doing in each subject and what SEN strategies you use successfully with them. Are there any which don't work so well? We are told that the parents will see the comments verbatim so word them professionally. The SENCO has an administrator who collates all the information for parents. If there is an issue, we email the SENCO separately about it. Most of the time, we get group feedback after the meetings saying something like: "Parents were thrilled that X is making such good progress in Y. They loved hearing that X was able to work in a pair/join in a whole class activity/whatever. One thing that seems to be common is that X finds it easier when staff print out information on green paper so if you could choose green backgrounds for slides or print their handout on pale green, it would be really helpful." I then log this in my planner so I can (hopefully) remember the green paper. We feel that as a team, what works well in one subject area is shared to make everyone's life easier.

It sounds from your experience that you and your DD have a SENCO who is either ill-suited to the job, harassed or just rubbish. Definitely feed this higher up. I would email the head of year and copy in the headteacher. State what works well - DD doing really well, great teaching etc., then where the gaps are, and what you would like to happen to plug those. Try to keep it calm and factual (easier said than done, I know). If your DD is academic and her results at GCSE and then A level are likely to make the school look good, they will want to keep her, despite what the SENCO is driving at. Good luck

If an autistic teenager is being "inadvertently abrupt", then what is needed is for the TAs to explain why it wasn't the best way for her to phrase things, not complain that she is rude. If it isn't possible to deal with at the time, they should make a note of what she said, and then someone pick it up with her later, and discuss alternatives. A vague "sometimes rude" is of no help to her, as she is unlikely to know what it is that needs to change. All it's going to do is make her afraid to say things, and fuel the anxiety. They don't seem to have much understanding of autism.

I'm a SENCO. I'm sorry this happened. He needs to completely rethink how he does Annual Reviews and he needs to understand Autistic children and how to talk to them. Annual Reviews are supposed to be about celebrating success with the child and criticisms need to be framed as 'future targets' and he never ever use words like 'rude.'

He should also have taken her needs into account when overloading her with information about colleges. He should have delivered the whole thing in a way that is suited to her communication. He really needs talking to about this as it's really upsetting and more importantly, shows he has very little understanding of autism. I would maybe also request a change of teaching assistant as well as it's crap for your daughter to be supported by someone who takes things personally.

Sorry this happened!

The Senco acted despicably IMO, demonstrating perfectly how not to help your daughter. The irony! I would write to the head, copying in the governor responsible for SEND, requesting a further meeting to discuss precisely where Senco went wrong and what is being done to rectify matters. He’s likely undone months of hard work and confidence building with his twatty attitude.

Is this a person who doesn’t really want to be the SENCO ?
That’s a terrible way to treat your daughter and you.
Take it to the Head and I’d suggest in future they email you everything in advance.

I would definitely complain to the EHCP Officer at the council that the annual review process wasn't followed and you didn't get the reports in advance. Secondly the review should be exactly that. It's not meant to be an opportunity to present new, non urgent information. This should have be addressed in a timely manner not allowed to build up. It should also have been addressed in a sensitive and constructive matter with your daughter. As you have not been satisfied with the SENCo's response, it seems completely reasonable to raise it with the HT and ask what there plan will be to raise it in a constructive manner with your daughter to provide opportunities to develop her communication skills and also whether the TAs require further training/advice/support in order to do better for your daughter.

This is not only awful it is in breach of the SENCOP which states that all reports that are relied on in an Annual Review must be shared with the parents 14 days in advance of the annual review.

You need to put in a formal complaint not only to the head teacher but also to the Case Officer at the LA.

How awful for your daughter. It's hard enough for SEN children in schools without having to deal with that.

I'm a SENCO, all paper work for Annual Reviews should be circulated to all attendees at least 2 weeks before the meeting, including the Ehcp with suggested track changes. A good AR should be child centred with an opportunity for the child to express how things are going for them. This meeting sounds appalling. Really hope your daughter is OK, you should definitely complain, there should be information on your local authority's local offer website about AR's, I would ask for a meeting with the HT.

It's quite hard to comment without knowing what the rudeness is (abrupt? personal? expletives?). The suggestion that it is specifically directed at TAs (common in secondary schools - they know they can get away with more) is concerning as it implies that your daughter is able to filter with teachers but not with TAs. It is very, very common for relationships between child + TA to be strained because few secondary children actually want an adult attached to them. The format of these meetings - discussing a child in front of them is painful and difficult for students, and with a condition it's not all going to be good news. So yes, these meetings can be fully of pitfalls and difficulties.

The TA has made her point, as she is entitled to (presumably she wasn't asked to submit a report), but the meeting doesn't seem to have explored what was said, whether the TA fully understands your daughter, whether she is the right TA, whether your daughter shows disrespect to TAs in particular, and what steps can be taken to support with understanding social norms.

I'd ask for a follow up meeting as you have "unresolved issues" from the EHCP and suggest that someone else who knows your child - Head of Year, DHT etc is part of this. Once you've got your head round all of the above, your complaint might be about the TAs ability to work with/understand your daughter, who may well be fed up with this TA. All this needs going through, and potentially better to do so in an evenhanded conversation than through a "complaint".

Does she take the help offered or is she very dismissive and then gets upset when she finds she can't do the work?
Before going to the HT I would try to find out from your dd a little bit more.

Secondary school teacher here! Any trained teacher knows that when we have child with autism they are not 'being rude' and that is very often a result of their struggles with communication and social cues.

Absolutely not on. I'd go to the governers. He won't lose his job but I feel you're owed an apology and hopefully he will think twice in future.

I agree with you OP.

As others have said, the SENCO did not follow the correct process as he didn't share the documents in advance.

You have a right to put across your views, so I suggest you email the SENCO and HT and let them know that you don't agree with their proposed amendments to the EHCP about being rude. If there are to be any amendments it sounds like it should be to section F where there should be more focus on addressing the anxiety,which would likely be the underlying cause of any such behaviour anyway and they admit they have observed her looking anxious. So what are they doing about it?

Make sure the SENCO sends you a copy of the paperwork they forward to the LA and if it includes the wording around being rude , then email the LA caseworker and let them know you don't agree with this wording and question whether it is actually a special educational need (in which case there is no need for it to be in the EHCP in the first place).

I'd be surprised if the LA agreed to amend a new plan anyway , although given it relates to a post 16 placement they may as they will have to send you an updated plan with the name of the college by March 31st.

Then complain using the schools formal complaints process. The SENCO clearly knows nothing about ASD, particularly in how anxiety can present in girls. What a tool.

Another secondary teacher here. It sounds like the SENDCo is ill suited to his role!

It may well be that your daughter can come across as rude/abrupt, but any decent teacher should know that a child with ASD is not intentionally being rude or abrupt. They just don't realise how things come across to others.

I teach a young lady in the 6th form with ASD and if you didn't know her/her needs, you would probably think she was rude and abrupt at times. However, as staff, we do know! So, we don't take it personally and we make sure that we talk with her about why what she has said might seem rude and what would be a better way to approach it. These things need to be taught to children with ASD.

I would definitely be speaking to the school again!

I thought the main issue was how the annual review procedure had not been followed as required in the Code of Practice to give this student the best possible start to her new post 16 placement.

Lots of people have commented on the rudeness. I note that the SENCo wants to ADD IT to the EHCP. This makes me wonder if it is a new issue. Apparently it was not of sufficient concern to have been put it the EHCP in the first place.

It seems, at best, very poor communication from the school if neither parents nor student was aware of this issue in advance.

It also seems poor practice to allow this behaviour to become so established that it needs to be included in the EHCP without attempting any intervention to work out the cause and how to support. OP, did the SENCo have something to add in the provision section about how they are supporting her to show appropriate communications skills or did they just add to the information section of the EHCP?

I've had dealings with one Senco and she was pretty awful. Talked a lot, had a lot of documents, didn't seem to achieve anything much.

She also had this imperious air of authority which I didn't feel was helpful.

This guy sounds unpleasant and you really should take it higher. This could be deeply damaging and challenging for your daughter. There needs to be a further meeting where it's kindly discussed (what he meant) and the myth dispelled that she's rude. She needs reassurance and her trust building. Meeting preferably without him. !

SENCO's an idiot who doesn't know his job. By law, copy reports should have been shared with you two weeks before the meeting, and if there were genuine concerns about rudeness they should have been raised in the reports - not least so that you could have discussed it sensitively with each other and your daughter and decided whether she should be at the meeting. Just throwing the accusation at your daughter like that was appallingly badly judged.

Yes, I agree that a letter to the headteacher phrased in moderate terms expressing your concerns about his suitability to be a SENCO is absolutely justified. Assuming the TA is a different person, it sounds like they are in urgent need of more training in how to deal with autistic people, too.

It's slightly mad of the SENCO to be looking at amending the EHCP at this stage anyway - if the abruptness/rudeness was a genuine concern he should have looked for it to be in the original draft. The local authority is highly unlikely to want to amend the EHCP after only a few weeks.

I agree with you that this is not acceptable and should be raised with the head teacher. Possibly one of the deputies instead depending on the way the school is run.