How do I have a social life?

[FromDespairToHere]

I feel horrifically guilty for even asking this. DD is 22 and has ASD. She works but has no social life of her own. She has no friends and split from her boyfriend last year.

I have been with my DP over 10 years although we don't live together, partly because DD would hate sharing her safe space with him.

DP and I are approaching 50 and want to do what middle-aged couples do - go to the pub, concerts, go for meals, go away for long weekends. DD gets sad every time I organise something with him. She says it feels like I want to spend time with him instead of her and she has nothing.

I love spending time with DD and we do loads of things together. I spend far more time with her than most parents of 22 year olds, for obvious reasons. I don't begrudge a single second I'm with her but I also like to spend time with DP.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you explain that you need time with your partner to someone to whom you are basically all they have?

I forgot to mention DD also has severe depression and anxiety.

Can you and dp and dd go away as a 3, so she she gets used to swinging time away with him and you, then when you and he plan time away she’ll have a better understanding that it is for x days and you will return home.
Perhaps he could start to stay a night over at yours so she understands that even with him there you’re still there for too

This sounds tough for you, but what a good mum you are. I wonder if the three of you could maybe go out together? Slowly get your DD used to him being around.

I’m in a similar situation myself but it’s my OH who is with our DD and I feel left out! We’ve started to go out once a week to eat together and it’s gone so well. The last time she decided she wasn’t bothered so we went out without her. She was fine of course, but still worried a little.

DD doesn’t have any friends either as they have all moved on after Uni. I know it’s not easy, you are not alone with this.

I hope things improve for you, fingers crossed.