I have a 23 year old ds with hfa ( atypical)
He was diagnosed at 13. He’s making my life a misery.
He doesn’t really accept his diagnosis. He forgets things so every time I have to remind him to take his medication or anything he gets really angry and says I’m treating him like a child. This has suddenly got worse since he got a girlfriend.
He’s happy for me to cook for him etc or run errands which he can do himself (and I know I should leave him to it but it always ends up that I wish I’d just done it myself because it somehow ends up causing more problems than it solves) but if i want to know where he’s going when he goes out he says i’m controlling.
He gets really angry and nasty and sometimes tries to intimidate me.
The other day he wanted his new girlfriend to come for tea and stay over. I said ok to coming for tea but not the staying over this time.
He wouldn’t accept not getting his own way ( never will) and started shouting and squaring up to me.
I went out in the garden to distance myself but he came out there ranting and ranting. Eventually I cracked and started shouting back and he followed me around filming me crying on his phone and saying he would show everyone what he has to put up with.
Eventually I went in the bathroom where he wouldn’t follow me and he was ranting at me from behind the door about what a terrible person i am. He’s got it into his head that I’m not caring about him I am trying to control him and I am emotionally abusing him.
My mum heard him down the phone and came round but he told her that I had been having a go at him and that I tell lies and abuse him.
As Soon as he started crying and saying he wished he could have a good relationship with me but I keep having a go at him and he feels sad all the time because I nitpick and control him my mum was putty in his hands and I was left with no support.
He then walked out and text his dad ‘ your wife had just killed your son’ which was his roundabout way of threatening suicide.
The truth is I choose my battles, walk on eggshells and try to divert disaster for him without him even noticing. He just seems so
Manipulative.
He’s stormed out today first thing ,in a big stress and I text him to find out if he’s ok and where he is but he’s said I have no right to ask and if I text again he will block me because it’s emotional abuse. I love him and worry about him.
He’s awful to me and says he hates me quite often. This is just a recent example but similar has been happening for years.
Sometimes it comes full circle , he will shout and rant and be awful to me, then he will be sorry and upset and cry that he didn’t mean it . Sometimes he gets an idea in his head that I’m doing something wrong and won’t let go of it. This time it’s that I’m an abuser.
I do understand that he just wants to be independent but I find it so hard to sit back and let him mess up and don’t even know if I should.
When I try to help (which I keep to the minimum) he goes mad but then he’s lazy and gets all huffy if I ask him to to anything.
It really hurts to have tried all the time to give him a good life and know that he really hates me .
It’s all getting too much to cope with.