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Handling money
3

curle · 27/06/2021 23:00

Son 17 has aspergers & ADHD. He recently opened a bank account using money given to him over the year, about £500. We noticed he has spent £60 using his card online on add ons for computer games. When challenged he's gone into full meltdown saying it's his money any he will do what he wants with it. Apparently we are very controlling and all his friends know etc. My worry is he receives PIP and it's quite a lot and at the moment I'm his appointed person to manage it. I didn't want to tell him about it actually, well not in full details because I'm worried about him just wasting it away on rubbish and having the attitude that it's his to do with as he pleases. He isn't proving that he's responsible with money. DH let it all out in an argument which is a whole other thread! I'm trying to protect him, hes 18 in a couple of months. Feel like I don't have a leg to stand on. Anyone gone through similar?

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BackforGood · 27/06/2021 23:15

To be fair, I'm not sure what the issue is with a 17 yr old choosing to use £60 of his own £500 on his hobby ?

Surely the fact he hasn't gone out and splurged it all on something, or that he hasn't given it away to a new 'friend' etc., has demonstrated that he is handling his money well ?

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curle · 28/06/2021 08:12

He doesn't go out, in my opinion this is splurging and this was 3 £20 spends over a week and a half, I'm glad we spotted it now, it's going to get out of hand. As parents it's our job to steer him, but a big struggle because of age and autism.

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BackforGood · 28/06/2021 19:04

Yes, it is our job to steer them, and normally from when they are quite young, in terms of having £1 pocket money or whatever and learning that 'when it's gone it's gone' but if you choose you can save some and buy bigger / better things. That is the whole point of our dc having their own money.
Now, depending on how his autism affects him, he might not have been able to do that younger, but, if this is the first time he has had any autonomy over his own money, then why give him all £500 at once ?
Most people choose do spend their money in a different way from the way parents would spend their own money. That is why our dc get given their own pocket money surely - to make those decisions for themselves, when we are talking about small amounts of money - and to learn from those decisions.

Now, I wouldn't spend £60 on video games add ons, but it isn't my money.
If it is his spending money, then that is his choice, surely. You say he doesn't go out - another 17 yr old might spend that much on going to a concert or a football match or something else that your ds chooses not to do.

If is isn't his spending money, then why has he been given it ?

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