DS is 12 , year 8, and has ongoing problems with poor behaviour both at home and at school. He has always found it difficult to behave and so we had him assessed for ASD and ADHD a few years ago and he wasn't found to have either. He moved to an independent school in year 7 and is doing well academically but his behaviour is still challenging both at school and at home. He has been excluded twice for poor behaviour including for wearing his earphones in lesson and arguing back with a teacher, and on another occasion for calling a friend "gay" as a joke and for playfighting. He hasn't done anything truly awful (yet) but is constantly getting into trouble and has several detentions a week. He has a very close group of friends at school and seems to do silly things to get their attention and stay popular.
At home, he can also be very difficult. His table manners are awful and I've given up trying to get him to read as he is basically glued to his PS4 or netflix from the minute he gets home. It's a battle to get him to go to bed on time and a battle to get him up in the morning and leaving for school on time (he has started being late at least once a week). He also play fights with his younger brother, annoys him constantly and is very loud and heavy on his feet (despite being very slim and wiry) and the constant level of noise is very wearing. He does have a number of sports he loves to do but most of those have stopped during Covid which has had a negative impact as he has so much energy that needs to get burnt off! Now he is getting older, he is also trying to spend more time with friends and has started leaving our local area to meet with friends. He is always in touch when he goes out and home around when he says he will be but I fear I am losing oversight of what he is up to and he is very silly and easily influenced so I worry about what he might get up to.
I fear that things at school are on a downward spiral so am looking to try to get him help (therapy) of some kind but am not sure what. School suggested a reassessment for ADHD but I spoke to a psychologist he was seeing for a few months and he thinks it's not necessary and that the best option would be to resume counselling. He was having counselling at school but apparently no progress has been made as he won't open up to the counsellor.
He can be a lovely sweet boy but I really fear for his safety and mental health and want to know how to help him. His dad and I are divorced and I do 99% of the parenting which is challenging although he does see his dad 1 day per week and they have an ok relationship.
Grateful for any advice.