Hello,
I’m writing about my stepson.
He’s 18, nearly 19. He was previously living abroad with his mum and after he was caught shoplifting, she threw him out and said he was crazy and needed locking up. My partner was living with me and so he moved in here in obviously very stressful circumstances for him coming here. He was put on a plane the day after the incident and told if he didn’t leave the country he’d be locked up. He arrived with nothing except the clothes on his back.
I’ve been tip toeing around him and doing everything I can to make him feel welcome and at home...... but I just don’t know if I can do it anymore.
His dad and I believe he may have some mental health disorder but have no idea what and really what we can do about it without distressing him too much and keeping him agreeing to anything.
Some of his behaviours:
Rarely showers and doesn’t seem to be aware of how bad it smells.
Has to strip his bedding off
Sleeps fully clothed
Obsesses with 1 or 2 songs
Will walk round in the middle of the night singing his head off with no awareness of his surroundings
Seems completely in his own world
Has no emotional reaction to ANYTHING, literally something could happen right in front of his and he’d carry on regardless
Never says please, thank you
Never starts a conversation
One word answers
On the odd occasion he will get hyper manic and speak incessantly about a particular subject until you literally have to stop or change the subject as he will just talk non stop about it, but not hold a 2 way conversation
Speaks to someone / something (who we can’t see!) all the time, and will hold full blown conversations with them. He speaks (in a regular way not how he speaks to anyone else), and will wait for them to answer, then reacts to their response. When his dad has tried to broach this he denies it.
Laughs to himself a lot
Has insomnia
No drive to do anything, literally anything
Will only eat the same foods again and again
Has ticks if you try to speak to him, especially if it’s asking him to do / not do something
Collects things aimed at younger children like those cards
Can drink 4/5 cups of coffee one after another with no effect on him
On a positive note, he’s a very gentle, obviously quiet when not singing, sweet young man.
Yes, he was caught shoplifting which is completely wrong but as far as we know he’s not done that again and his dad has been checking his items, monitoring the money he gives him.
We’re just at such a loss as to what to do.
I would say that he’s made massive progress since he arrived (he literally couldn’t even speak the day I met him) but it’s not stagnated for several months and this just seems to be the way he is.
He’s not keen to talk to a Dr and at 18 we can’t force him to.
If we push him to hard he could well just walk out and goodness knows where, his dad is genuinely concerned he’d walk out and make himself homeless as he just doesn’t seem that fussed by anything.
He’s started a music college course (he’s a gifted piano player but even that he rarely plays) and so his dad is hoping to speak to the teacher there to get their opinion.
Does anyone have any thoughts or advice at all? It’s so hard not to snap at him, especially over manners as if never allow my son to be so rude but then I stop myself as I’m aware his mum did a lot of screaming and shouting at him and I don’t want to trigger him. He rarely comes out of his room as it is.
Sorry this was so long and thank you!