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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Never felt as low as I’ve felt today...
15

Whym · 12/09/2020 19:44

I’ve been so distressed today and I just feel so lonely.
Dd (20) is in her room (nothing unusual there). I walk to the park with the dog and see a few girls with their mothers and feel so sad. My DD could have a diagnosis of ADD or perhaps ASD and I don’t want her to have either. I feel so bad saying this but I don’t...I never envisaged my life like this or hers. I feel guilty and just horrible...
How do I pick myself up and see the good in things? Today has not been good at all...

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sandwiches77 · 12/09/2020 19:54

Whym i feel your pain, i really do. Seeing my DD breaks my heart. Just read The Sad Son and felt some hope.

I can't offer any advice, only hand hold and Cake

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plus3 · 12/09/2020 20:01

Ahhh - we’ve had a rubbish day too. DD (14) got let down by her BF and she has taken all her disappointment & anger out on me. I am fairly sure she has sensory issues and wanted to go shopping for some desperately needed new clothes - only not with me ...fair enough but she need to go shopping!

I just want things to be normal & easily for her.

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Whym · 12/09/2020 20:20

@sandwiches77

Whym i feel your pain, i really do. Seeing my DD breaks my heart. Just read The Sad Son and felt some hope.

I can't offer any advice, only hand hold and Cake

Thank you for the hand hold (and cake). Sorry you can relate. I’m just so low in myself and that walk in the park made me see what I never have sadly.
I’ve not heard of The Sad Son but will check it out.
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Whym · 12/09/2020 20:22

@plus3

Ahhh - we’ve had a rubbish day too. DD (14) got let down by her BF and she has taken all her disappointment & anger out on me. I am fairly sure she has sensory issues and wanted to go shopping for some desperately needed new clothes - only not with me ...fair enough but she need to go shopping!

I just want things to be normal & easily for her.

Aww how awful for your DD. Yes we never go shopping either...it’s rubbish isn’t it but better to just leave it be.
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CalmRedSea · 12/09/2020 20:40

@Whym it’s hard to watch your child struggle with the things that others take for granted. Are you in the process of DD being assessed?

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MumentoMori · 12/09/2020 23:59

I too have a DD, 18, who in the past 4 years has struggled with her mental health and gone from almost perfect child to what my 90 year old mother would prob describe as delinquent. She has been diagnosed with ADD and more recently ASD - CAMHS missed both of these over the 4 years with them. She has been depressed for years and relies on alcohol and substances to get by socially. We have tried every avenue available to find the right help - nothing seems to really make a difference.
I too have spent today feeling just so desperately, hideously bereft and sad. My heart hurts every time I look at her and I totally and utterly feel your pain and grief. It is the most painful existence for the whole family and I would never wish it on anyone, ever. Mostly I try to be optimistic - some days I just can’t stay positive that things will ever improve. I used to think that love was enough but now I recognise that it simply isn’t. Maybe tomorrow will be better for both of us. X

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Goldistheanswer · 13/09/2020 10:16

Whym I feel your sadness, everyday is like that for me. My dd (15) is so isolated, can’t even go to school due to severe anxiety and now seems to be very depressed. Her ASD affects all areas of her life, she has no friends, is terrified of leaving the house and has virtually shut down when I try to talk to her. It’s very hard. My heart feels like it’s breaking.

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Goldistheanswer · 13/09/2020 10:18

💐 to everyone. I’m thinking of you all. It’s tough.

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Whym · 13/09/2020 18:28

@CalmRedSea; DD had finally agreed to speak to the GP. This was just last week so we are waiting for a referral. I see other young people her age and as she’s nowhere at that stage I feel such sadness. I know there are worse cases but the reality is hard for me.

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Whym · 13/09/2020 18:39

@mumentoMori, so sorry to hear about your DDs struggles. My DD too struggles on and off with anxiety and has barely held down a job. She applies then if she gets an interview finds the anxiety sets in. She hates talking over the telephone as it is and if the call is unexpected, she fills up with dread and can freeze. It’s like an endless cycle...
You are so right when you say it’s a painful existence...my heart is so sad and sore yet I must find that optimism from somewhere. Thank you for your kind wishes, let’s hope things will improve...

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Whym · 13/09/2020 18:43

Gold, I’m sorry you can relate. It is so hard and as I find DD difficult to talk with I find myself walking on egg shells, trying to say the right things. Not in a million years did I think my life or my DDs would be like this...

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CalmRedSea · 13/09/2020 18:57

@Whym agreeing to talk with the GP is a step in the right direction. I am noticing that although my DD can not manage some of the things that come naturally to other girls her age it does not necessarily mean they will never happen. Are you doing anything to fill the void that is the life you expected to have? It is such a shock when life turns out not to be what we hoped for and terrifying to think that things will not get better. Things can improve but in the meantime what helped/helps me to cope is seeking to fulfil my own needs. It can feel lonely but you are not alone Flowers

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Whym · 13/09/2020 20:24

@Calm; this is a good question you ask, and no, I have nothing to help fill the void in my life. Up until the last few years I was happy bringing up DD and her brother who is older. He has now moved away and I do miss him. I miss family life and the fun we had together. I have little in the way of hobbies or interests and I think I do need to look at this...

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Whym · 13/09/2020 20:28

@Calm; I do feel alone a lot of the time. I’m currently WFH with OH going out to work. I need to see what is out there for ‘me’ to help improve my MH and something to take my mind off things...thank you for your kind words, they have helped me...

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CalmRedSea · 13/09/2020 22:36

@Whym there is no shame to be found in attempting to find happiness/peace when a child is suffering. Keeping level is essential to find the strength to support them. I sometimes tip over the edge and back again during the course of 1 hour. You really are not alone Smile

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