Advise for dealing with rude behavior in 17 year old HFA

[Sassysmurf]

DS is 17 - straight As laser focused always does homework - struggles to display empathy - everything is black and white - he is always right (well he believes he is) - and due to these things he can be exceedingly rude and mean - he thinks that if he believes it’s true it’s okay to say it (eg. “You’re stupid - you’ll never get into a good school)

since covid zero social interaction except the online game he plays after school work finished - even before covid he is not social except for set group at school (same 3 boys for last 6 years)

if he was rude or didn’t do his allocated chores (feed dog, put out bins, help with dishes on his allocated nights, etc) we used to turn off internet as repercussion - can’t do that now with all school online (plus lots of homework etc)

If I now ask him to do something I get “why should I” “no” “I don’t care” etc

We’ve been through the traps - I know the normal ways to deal with this and cope - but him changing to a young adult changes the way I need to deal with him

So how do you have repercussions for rude behavior when he truly doesn’t really care about anything except the one thing I can’t now remove ?

Ps please be gentle - most of the time I feel like a fairly crap mum - I’ve purposefully posted in the sn board because I’ve previously (over the last 15 years) got truly life saving advice from women who actually understood

Pps I change my user name regularly to avoid deeply personal issues and parental failures being identified

Bump

Oh dear

My ds is 15 with ASD and ADHD he can be rude/direct I model the behaviour I expect or want from him. I do
a lot of was I rude to you? conversations at present Xbox time is removed if chores not done willingly. I try and give him a choice eg empty the dishwasher or take the bin out then its his decision. I pull him up every time on I've hoovered for you Mum no we're a team you've hoovered for everyone its not my job!