DD 18 ASD - help

[sandwiches77]

Apologies in advance for long post

DD turned 18 a month ago, she received a diagnosis of Autism in July last year.

A summary:
She was always quiet at school, it become more apparent at secondary school. She had lot of friendship issues with girls at school, any concerns I raised with the school, I was treated like a neurotic parent and firmly told it was "normal"..
Her English teacher noticed that she daydreamed in lessons and mocks and arranged a prompt for her GCSE, enabling her to go from a Grade 1 -5! None of the other teachers would arrange this for her. (of course we now know that day dreaming is an autistic trait) She didn't get the grades she needed to sit A-levels in the subjects she wanted. Teachers completely ignored her on results day and she was told that she would have to sort it out herself. Feel totally let down by school

Following this, she was left with last minute choices and decided to join the local College to her A-levels. She became more withdrawn at College, finding the social side difficult. Again, she was concentrate in lessons. As she was struggling, College after one year.

Because of her friendship issues, I managed to get her referred to CAMHS who in turn suggested autism. When she received the diagnosis it was both a shock and a relief (mixed in with a bit of anger aimed at her secondary school)

As she was struggling with College on so many levels, she decided to leave and study online.

However, she is very behind with her online studies, she has lost motivation and sleeps most of the day. She thinks she will be going to Uni in September but she hasn't done enough work for predicted grades or applied to UCAS yet.

I'm not concerned if she doesn't go to Uni or not, I just want her to have a happy independent fulfilled life

I have bought her books, suggested Drs , counselling but she rejects everything I have tried and blames DH and I.

Happy to back off re Uni, but DD makes comments like "when i'm at Uni in September...."

Have posted on the teenager board too

In the current situation, if she applies through clearing she will probably get in at a lot of universities. Does she know what course she wants to do? Or where? Have you checked what the autism support is like? (The last bit is really important as it could change her outcome if she had well-informed help from the university.) If she is struggling with motivation, she may struggle at university without help.

Thanks Chaotica I've already told her about clearing, particularly in this current climate, she just shouts at me saying "I know" or says that I'm going on.....

She did visit a Uni last year,

Sorry pressed post too soon...

She did visit a Uni last year and she visited the student support team without a prompt from us. I wont name the Uni but this is the one she wants to go too...

Has she applied for DSA? Easy to do online - then, there is an interview and they are brilliant at working out the tech that will make a difference and giving entitlement to regular support.

The area where a lot of student support falls down is that they expect the student to tell them what help they need.

If your DD's able to do that, and some autistic students are, then she'll do fine at Uni with student support, DSA etc.

However, if she's not able to express her needs, or doesn't know the areas she needs specific help in, both she and you may have a more difficult time if you can't intercede on her behalf.

I have no direct experience of that system at Uni but encountered it at DD's secondary school.
I'd suggest you research some past posts on that subject to see if the uni she wants to attend will be able to support her needs.

Back again, feeling isolated, frustrated and worried about DD 18. Sat down with her a few weeks ago to try and talk about her future, she admitted that she tells DH and I that she only tells us she wants to go to Uni to get us off her back. I am a loss as to what to do, I don't mind if she doesn't go to Uni, but she does not want to get a job or do anything, she seems happy being in her bedroom for most of the day. I have tried suggesting autism groups but she just says ok and does nothing about them nor does she want me to enquire. The local Church youth group are happy for her to keep going along although she is over 18. She has been been a Scout for many years and has been attending the online groups during lockdown, the group has restarted in person now.

She just seems 'stuck' and I don't know what to do....

I can’t advise but we are in a similar situation with our DD (20). We’ve had no formal diagnosis but suspect possible ADD. ASD is in the back of my mind but if I ever mention it she says she thinks it’s ADD. It’s taken a couple of years for her to agree to speaking with the GP so we are waiting on that. If ever we talk about the future she walks off if the conversation doesn’t go her way. She’s up in her room now and I expect will spend the remainder of the day up there.
I’m so confused at what to do/think sometimes...