Have I done the right thing

[Magneticred]

I feel like an awful parent. Ds2 is 14 nearly 15. He has severe adhd ocd anxiety sensory issues and social communication issues. He is under camhs his Dr and adhd nurse at camhs say it's clear he has autism, as has other medical professionals we have met. He has been through the ados assessment 3 times since the age of 7 and never comes out with an asd diagnosis camhs can't understand why. He was severely bullied in mainstream primary to the point I threatened police action and social services. I know that seems drastic but I was trying to contact the lea and was being passed from dept to dept and ended up blurting it all out to a SW. She told me what to say to school and to contact her if the bullying continued.

Since then he has been agressive towards his siblings it was low level pushing and digs but it's esclated. He has privileges taken away and I've spoken to him repeatedly about it. It never seems to sink in. I asked camhs for help after a major meltdown where he bit me pulled my hair and punching me put his hand on my throat. I made an emergency appointment at camhs he told them he wanted to hurt himself for what he had done. They said I need to be strict with him over this and the fact he steals from home and referred him to complex needs and a week before he was due to see them I got a call saying they wouldn't be able to see him as he doesn't have learning difficulties or an asd diagnosis.

I contacted an autism charity and explained everything we are now on a waiting list to see a private consultant. I'm desperate to get him the help he needs.

Tonight I had to call the police he threw a toy at 1 of his younger siblings I had to get her checked out but thankfully it didn't need hospital treatment. They are coming to assess him in a few days to see if he is a risk to anyone in the house. He knows I've called them he knows they are going to visit him. They said they have marked down the assault and if it happens again he will be charged.
We have an appointment with camhs before the police are due to visit I will tell them everything.

I'm scared I will lose him I'm scared he won't get the help he needs. I need to protect others from him hurting them. I don't know if I've done the right thing or not.

Don't want to read and run.
You are right to peruse a diagnosis. Sounds like he needs this urgently.

You won't lose him, my friend has called police several times for similar reasons. Her son is diagnosed but like you she's been given the runaround. Her son is now 17 and has settled down hugely but still has his moments.

Keeo talking to people, keep aaking for helo. You need it and your sin is entitled to it.

Thank you so much for the reply. I've been in tears since he went to bed. I have written down everytime he's stolen something or hit out to try and get them to see how it's esclated. He has been quiet since it seemed to sink in what he's done and he apologised to his sister he says he didn't mean to hurt her but it doesn't make it right.

I read your post and think you are coping amazingly well with this awful situation. You must be so frustrated to have had such little help. I think you are doing the right thing. It is proving so hard to get help and this is your only course of action in my opinion. I do hope you have people around you who are supporting you and sharing the load. Stay strong!

Thank you fairly. We saw camhs today for ADHD nurse to review meds. She's refering him back to consultant with a note that appointment needs to be within 4 weeks. She doesn't feel it's linked to adhd but has said she's going to sort out him doing the ados again. He's been borderline past 3 times but feels adhd is under control enough for ados.
He is still withdrawn though my 9 year old has been trying to get him hyper and play fight. He managed to keep calm so proud of him for that.

It's just me and 7dc ex comes eow, but stays here as he is living with parents 200 miles away. I have family that watch DC when I have appointments if I need it but generally it's just me. My oldest is in college and tries to help mainly with youngest 2 and moving DC out the way if there is a meltdown. It's not ideal but we get by.