Posting on behalf of a friend who's not from the UK originally but now has permanent residency here. Please bear with me while I explain the background, and I hope my terminology is correct and doesn't offend anyone - my friend has asked for help and it's not an area I'm hugely familiar with.
Her DS is 18 years old and has just left school (in England) but spent the first 13/14 years of his life in the country of his birth (Poland).
Apparently he was diagnosed with autism (Asperger's) in Poland but has never received any help / support with this, either in Poland or in the UK. (Mum says that autism was so stigmatised there that she hid it from everyone ... ) He did qualify for extra time in his GCSEs and A Levels in the UK but that's as far as it went. He managed to get through GCSEs OK but didn't pass his A Levels. His teachers in the UK were unaware of his autism diagnosis in Poland.
On a personal and social level, he is totally and utterly disconnected from the world about him. He feels absolutely nothing for anyone - no love, no hate, no fear, nothing. He can take care of himself - washing, dressing etc - but can't be bothered to. He has total sensory overload - can't bear any form of noise, sunlight, etc. Doesn't eat, is very underweight. Does't feel hunger/thirst, or maybe doesn't recognise it. He will follow instructions to do something (e.g. come with me to the Post Office, cross the road here, go through this door, ask for second class postage, give this to the counter clerk etc). But shows no motivation / proactivity. He is a nice lad, pleasant to talk to, but he has learned how to do this from his mum and it's obvious that everything he says takes a huge toll on him and he's secretly hating every second of it. Actually he is not hating it, he just is - I don't know - bored with it..??? It's an inconvenience to him.
He has now left school, and is doing nothing all day except playing computer games. He is definitely addicted to his computer. He has no motivation to do anything at all. It's not that he doesn't want to do any further studying or get a job - he simply isn't "connected" (for want of a better word) enough to the world around him to see the need for it. When his mum calmly discusses his future with him, he, just as calmly, says he will kill himself if he is forced to go out to work/study. This response is, to him, logical, not emotional.
It is very hard to know how much of this is caused by the autism (if that is indeed what it is) and how much of it is personality / selfishness / whatever. From what I've seen of his interactions with his mum, I think he can be manipulative sometimes, but equally he's clearly struggling massively and has somehow slipped through the net wrt to getting signposted for help while he was at school. I feel that he has been hugely let down by the adults in his life. (His father is useless, has paid a grand total of £500 towards the lad's upbringing in the past 18 years, is a selfish criminal bastard who abused the mum when they were together, stalked her after they broke up, and raped her in order to get her pregnant to stop her leaving him. He also very possibly has autism. I am writing all these details here as I feel it may be relevant to the lad's personality in some way. The son wants nothing to do with him).
Clearly the family need some help, and the mum has asked me what she should do. I said that she needs to talk to the GP and ask what the next steps are - presumably they need to get a diagnosis for the son, in order to get help for him? Counselling? Psychiatrist? Other therapy? Therapy for computer addiction? (Mum is very focussed on this). Obviously this should have been done years ago but for whatever reason, it wasn't, and this lad needs some help now. As does his mum.
Can anyone shed light on which avenues to pursue please?
His mum wants him to get a job. My suspicion is that he isn't capable and will end up on benefits after a long, long struggle for diagnosis .....
Thank you for reading this!