My exhaustion with “managing” DS is too apparent to him

[64sNewName]

I’m just so tired by the end of every day. He is 12 and has ADHD and dyspraxia.

I try to give him space to be independent, but honestly, every single thing he does seems to create damage or mess in our small home and it makes me so weary. It doesn’t help that I’m also a bit sensitive to noise and and he’s quite noisy most days, and does a lot of random vocalising as well as shouting at the Xbox.

I feel like I fight an endless battle against it all, either trying to head off mess/chaos at the pass by being watchful/reminding him (annoying him), or stepping back and letting it happen and then just gritting my teeth when he floods the bathroom and drenches three towels every single time he showers, or when more greasy handprints go up the wall as he steadies himself getting up from dinner after eating with his fingers, which I’ve reminded him not to do probably every single day since he was little.

The laundry is endless, the house is always on the edge of grubby even though I do loads and loads of cleaning and tidying. It’s like pushing back a tidal wave. I also work (from home) so it’s like I’m never “off”, never just mellow around the house.

He can tell when I’m at the end of my energy/irritated with him, but I don’t have the energy by that stage to mask it.

I know it is hurting his self-esteem , and I worry it’ll intensify the gulf between us that adolescence is bound to open up anyway. I also worry that it’s all he remembers - my irritation - and that the nice times kind of don’t register with him, and he will look back as an adult and recall mainly the times when I failed to cope. (I do shout sometimes, I’m just so ... depleted)

I just got him and his sister fed and bathed and helped them [forced him to] prepare school bags for the morning and now I’m lying on my bed crying. School goes back tomorrow here and he is going into high school. I feel like I’ve hardly spent any time just enjoying his company all summer. I love him so much and I’m just like a manager pestering him all the time and making him feel shit about himself

Hi OP, I have 2 children with additional needs. DS is nearly 13 and has ADHD. He is loud, shrieky and like you I am sensitive to noise. My DD is 10 and has ASD. They trigger each other massively.

I’m afraid after dinner tonight I told them both that I am exhausting from managing myself and them all day. Trying to keep me calm as he is bouncing and asking constant questions and giving me a monologue while she is anxious and crying because he won’t let her touch him is too much!

Maybe I didn’t do the right thing, but I’m not sure it’s that bad for them so understand the impact on others.

Thank you so much for replying, Luna. Feel a bit silly now for being so overwhelmed earlier.

I went and had a shower to pull myself together, and then apologised to DS for being on at him all day. He said kindly, “it’s OK mum. All parents are annoying”

I hope you’re having a bit of peace now.