Daughter moving abroad with boy she has met once! HELP!

[WorriedSENMum]

Name changed for this. DD is 20 & dx ASD. She is so-called high functioning, very academically intelligent but socially inept, severe anxiety which she is on medication for. Never had a boy or girlfriend. (DH & I thought she was Asexual) No friends in real life. A few days ago she dropped a bombshell that she has a boyfriend who she has been talking to for 2 years & is moving out to live with him in central Europe at a place 3 hours drive from the airport. This boy is 17 & lives with his mum, who apparently owns a beauty shop (that DD, who is a MUA, will work in) & 2 or 3 houses & a flat. I can see to her how it all sounds wonderful & we really hope things are as they have been described & she will be happy, but our imaginations are working overtime & we are petrified!

We told DD we need to meet him first & he is coming over in about a week, with a return ticket for 4 days later. DD has bought a one-way ticket to go back with him! We are out of our minds with worry! Any ideas? She is currently staying at her dads house, but as yet has chickened out of telling him. She wasn't even going to until I insisted she must because I would need to tell DD2 about our house guest & she may well spill the beans herself. I don't owe ex a thing, but couldn't be a part of a deception. Plus, I may need his help if she ends up in danger & needing to come home at short notice!

Can you go with her to meet the the mum and check it out (and then take her home hopefully /presumably when reality hits)?

We are wanting to Skype with her when the boy is here. Ideally, I would prefer to go over with them, but given where he lives, potential flight availability & the distance from the airport to their house I wouldn't be able to guarantee to follow them over on my own. (I have anxiety myself & ADHD) I am hoping DH will get his passport through so if necessary we can go there. Or I would even go with my ex.

OP, I followed your other thread, but I can’t find it now. Did your daughter go with him? How os it working out?

Yes, she did go. We spoke to the mother before they left & both DD & the mum have been in contact with us since then, sending pics & messages. She seems to be having a good time & is coming back here on 6th September, I presume with a view to going back out there again. I couldn't be happier for her.

My only concern is her health. She has a lung condition that currently requires monitoring & yearly ct scans. She has been told not to go on any unnecessary flights. I'm not sure what the surgeons definition is of unnecessary flights. In reality any flight is unnecessary, but I would like to know what his definition is. One return trip every couple of months or so or once a year? It is a concern to me so I will have to look into this further.

Short haul flights should not be as much of an issue because she's only at the lower pressure for a short time, I'm glad she is having fun but still a worry for you. As a parent you want to wrap them in cotton wool but we need to send them into the world ...

Thanks stucknoue. That makes me feel a bit better. I think the flight is only about 3 hours, but where she will be living is a ski resort, so would there be an air pressure issue there for her? I hadn't considered that until now. Am I just being super paranoid?