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Worried about my son with aspergers, is his girlfriend using him for a visa!

5 replies

vintageviolet74 · 21/02/2019 18:37

Hi, I am concerned about my 24 year old son who has Asperger's, ADHD and depression, he currently lives at home he struggles and spends most of his time alone in his room. Every time he gets in a new relationship he is becomes completely obsessed (due to the Asperger's!)
Five months ago he met a girl who is currently on a study visa from China. They were seeing each as and when they can because she lives a couple of hours away.
Recently, he has been saying they have to get married now and move in with each other by July (when her course ends!) this year so she can stay here. Otherwise. she has told him she will go back to China and has a really good job waiting there for her!
I have told him I have concerns and not to rush because of a visa. I do understand he doesn't want her to go back, he won't listen and mentioned someone she knows has had advice from a solicitor already and will sort it out and set them up with somewhere to live?
There is also concerns about her age she said she is 26 but her passport says 29, she told my son it was because who she worked for in China changed it!! It doesn't make sense at all.
I have met her and asked her about getting a different type of visa but she just said she loves my son and wants to have two children.
I am in a difficult situation, my son says if I don't accept her then she can't marry because of her culture, he said he will never talk to me again if he loses her.
I feel torn because he is vulnerable and will not listen to reason at all.
I would love him to be settled down but not like this. Not sure what to do, I don't want to think the worse of someone but I am worried he is being used. It is difficult with his disabilities. Any advice please?

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 22/02/2019 14:29

It sounds dodgy as to me. It's the someone she knows who can sort it all out bit that really red flags it for me.

mentioned someone she knows has had advice from a solicitor already and will sort it out and set them up with somewhere to live?

There is also concerns about her age she said she is 26 but her passport says 29, she told my son it was because who she worked for in China changed it!

This sounds like the biggest load of cobblers and a forthcoming sham marriage scam.

Your hands are a bit tied simply because you are his Mum so he doesn't want to listen to you.

Who will he listen to? Is there anyone in his life he looks up to and respects and will accept advice from?

Can you contact the Foreign Office and explain your son's circumstances and ask about legal ways this girl could stay in this country. Ask them what SHE needs to do, rather than having your son possibly duped.

If he does marry her, she'll be entitled to half of everything he has including pension, savings, inheritance etc. after a short time no wonder she's trying to rush him into it. See your solicitor and see what you can do so she can't get at it.

I know this is only hearsay, but a friend of the wider family is Chinese and about the same age as your son's friend, her parents have never lived here, she was in boarding school here then Uni here and she's recently become British (a British Citizen? not sure of the terminology but she can live here) but she has NOT got married to do that, so there must be a proper legal way for Chinese girls her age to do it.

my son says if I don't accept her then she can't marry because of her culture

I haven't got a clue about this but would be finding out from official sources very quickly.

It looks as though both of you are being railroaded into making decisions that only one person will benefit from - her.
That's not how love or family work.
It is how scams work.

I'd also consider re-posting this question on a busier main board, Legal maybe, or Chat.

worl · 14/04/2019 09:33

OP, I'd ask MNHQ to put this on legal, it'll benefit your message better

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 27/04/2019 00:28

Tier 4 student visas (which will be what she's on) don't end when the course does - there's a few months gap normally.

For instance, a friend finished her masters last year at the end of August and had until January to leave the UK, during which time she was able to live and work here.

This sounds hugely fishy and like the start of a sham marriage.

UKCISA is the go - to website for understanding student visas, should you want to debunk what she's saying.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 02/05/2019 17:01

She won’t get British citizenship because she’s married to your son. It will take years.

Luluem38 · 02/09/2019 20:30

I know it’s hard but he needs to make this choice for himself, he is 24 and in love with this girl. Whether it is a sham or not onher part only time will tell, but it is his choice to make and trying to discredit her will not help ‘ love is blind ‘ , welcome her into your life and see what happens

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