13yo refuses school, been referred to chams x3

[djfergieee12]

My son is 13, has a violent temper, only been to school about 2 weeks, hes now in year 9. Ive paid 3 fines, been to court 1ce and now they're trying to have me sentensed. My daughter is 10, go's to school every day, gets good grades, kids are a child in need plan, but ive tried every bribe in the book to get shay to school but nothing works

Hi there, so sorry to hear about your struggles. Do you think a visit to his gp would help? How was his attendance last year? Does he take any meds?

Ihave been to gp and they wont give him anything, just says he will refer him to chams, yet again! Now shay REFUSES to go to gp's now! He hasnt been to school, well maybe a few days, for 3 years. School dont want him and they cant kick him out as it would look bad for them! They come round 1ce a week just stand at the door, stroke my dog, n leave. Thats another box ticked!

Why does he hate it? Is he getting bored or bullied by the children there or not?

If there was any bullying, shsy would start a fight, as his temper goes from 1-10 in seconds. He hasnt got a reason for not wanting to go! I said to school about him goin in, but instead of going into class, goin into a room, were pupils go to do work in private, and let him work in there. I told this to shay and 1st he sort of liked the idea, and i told him, just till he has got over his fears, that i would take him in after all the kids have gone in, and pick him up b4 lunch, but no...

How long has this been going on?
How many times before has your son been to CAMHS, and what was the outcome of those referrals?

Sounds like there are a few things going on, if he's got a bad temper and is refusing.

When did he start refusing? Was there a particular issue or did it gradually just get worse?

A few things we'd suggest (depending on circumstances):
Temporary personalised timetable (eg starting later/half days/missing difficult lessons)
GP (you've tried this)
Referral to a youth worker - positive role model, they may also help try and get him in
Parenting course/parenting support (via local 'early help' service - whatever that is called in your area)
Ed psych referral (or assessment by SEN dept at school)
Negotiated transfer to another school or different provision (is it school in general or that school?)

Has anything happened in his past to cause him to have a bad temper/be anxious? At home or bullying etc?

Does he have any SEN? I worked with a lad who was a school refuser and had massive anxiety and bad temper. CAMHS diagnosed him as adhd and once medicated, he was like a different child.

1st of all, can i say a huge thankyou for taking time out to offer some ideas! Ok, so..he started with bad behaviour around 3 years old, usually it would be over something he wanted, he would kick out, scream, throw anything that was near...this happens now, not just if he wants something, it could just be if i gave him peas when he wanted beans! Hes hit me, hes hit my daughter(10) . When he started high school, his anger got out of control, smashing tvs, damaging his sisters stuff, if i rang the police, which i was told to do at taff meetings, i got told to stop ringin them and learn to b a parent! Even though it was criminal damage!my 'partner' hates him, shay was 2 when i met him. Shay hates him and stays up in his room all wkend, as that is whem he comes home, we have countless arguments about shay. He is over 6" tall and years ago used to drag him outta bed, and put him over his shoulder, in2 the car then carry him into school. The last time was 3 years ago. I am only 5'tall and in bad health so no way could i do that. School are submitting another letter wantin me to go to prison, my partner said that he would have ellie, but not shay, he would have to go into care, even this doesnt spur shay on to attend school x

My son is exactly the same :(

He's 13 and been on a downward spiral since age 8 or 9. He's always in trouble, violent, aggressive, always getting excluded. When he's not excluded he's playing truant.

I'm so sorry things are so serious for you that you are threatened with prison :( Can you go back to the GP and insist on some support? Or maybe give SS a call?

We too have involved police due to his violence and aggression, but he just doesn't care. I definitely believe there is an underlying condition such as ADHD or PDA. We have an Ed Psych appointment so I will discuss this further.

Is there anyone Shay can talk to? We tried counselling but my son refuses to engage with anyone so it was pointless. I have reached the end of my tether and it sounds like you have too.

Lets hope one day they come through it and turn out to be reasonable people - I think the only other option for me is to try medication from GP for him - that's if I can get my son there! He totally refuses to conform or comply in any way, shape or form.

Be positive xx

@GulliversTravelsl123

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult. The ed psych should be able to shed some light on things for you, but they won't be the ones to make a diagnosis - you'll need to see a psychiatrist for that, and for any medication. You need to get in touch with CAMHS - how this can be done varies from area to area, but your GP should be able to refer.

I have recieved my summons today, 31/10! Its not looking good! Reading through the paperwork, the school say that i never leave messages as to y he is absent! I ring every morning, and leave a message! Praising his dad, yes i agree, dad can get him in better than me...thats bcos he is over 6" and big, so he can throw him over his shoulder kickin n screamin, wereas im 5" and have multiple health issues after being in hospital for 12 months, so i cant do that! No1 seems to bother about this info!

If you have proof you phoned, you will make them look really stupid in court! I attended an attendance case (not mine!) and the parent brought printed screenshots that proved she had sent messages to the school, and it did sway the case slightly.

What have CHAMs said? Have they assessed him?