DS is breaking my heart

[immortalmarble]

I am saying so here because I cannot say so anywhere else.

He is 20. He has autism, some mild adhd and the accompanying terrible anxiety. I also think there are other undiagnosed mental health issues.

He is a lovely boy. Obviously I’m biased but he’s so kind, gentle, but so vulnerable.

He did go to college after school but couldn’t cope with the environment at all. He got a job working in a hospital which he liked but then he got very ill.

He is in such a bad way. Paces half the night and sleeps in the day, he is suicidal (has tried to hang himself ) losing weight, he has bowel trouble anyway and that’s playing up.

He has better days sometimes but even his good days are so empty and sad. I think we’ve lost track of what a good day is.

I don’t know. I’m just venting. I wish he didn’t have this horrible condition.

He’s so unwell.

I can’t do anything to help. I don’t know how to help.

I don’t have anybody to support us.

I'm so sorry to hear you are having a bad time with your son. He sounds like a lovely boy and you need some help. Is there really no one who can support you? Do people know your situation or do you bravely put a good front on to the world and they think you are okay. I would contact an Autism Helpline and get some advice. Your GP may be able to advise you on support for your son's health problems. There are people out there. Is there a support group near you perhaps?

Thank you fairly

There is no one who can help. I’m not sure what they could actually do in fairness but it’s just an awful lot to cope with some days.

Support groups are well and good but it’s mostly people who have younger children or if they have adults they are more severely affected than DS which brings its own challenges. The biggest problem I have with DS is he doesn’t accept he has autism, refuses to accept he is very unwell and just tried to plough through life with disastrous consequences.

@ImmortalMarble, can you pm me? I’m in a similar (heartbreaking) position. I may not have anything practical to offer but I am in your shoes now and have been for years. I know how you are feeling so, we haventhat in common.

My DS is nearly 18. He has asd and additional ocd/anxiety. He has expressed his feelings re. “If my like doesn’t get better by the time I’m 18, there’s no point carrying on”. Some days he gets by. Some days, he is just in his own (has no friendships - though he’s tried hard to make them) and my heart breaks for him. He’s an only child and is very very isolated.

I tried coffee mornings and support groups and in the end had to come away from it. Lovely people but, no one like me. There were mums of newly diagnosed youngsters and middle aged people struggling with looking after elderly parents. I felt like the odd one out.

Want to be “pen pals”? I’m having 🍷 now, cause it does make me feel a little better, at times.

I think the first thing you need to do is try and get some therapy for your son.
My son, now 23, has autism and anxiety. His anxiety problems got so bad he could not go back to mainstream college.(To be honest they caused a lot of it).

He was out of education for a year and had to have therapy while we battled with the LA to get an EHCP. He is now at a specialist college for students with ASD where they have therapy and education on site. He is doing GCES, learning independent living skills, social skills and doing work experience. He is very happy, more confident and most of the time has his anxiety under control.

Do you think this could be what your son needs?

Hello all,
I am in a similar situation with my ds1 with asd. Looking for support. X

Is he diagnosed with autism or not? My first piece of advice is to ask questions and push for what he needs as well. Also look at support groups. And consider investing in a decent local therapist.