It’s good that your looking ahead as are we.
My ds is 17 years old and has asd severe learning difficulties and is non verbal, he currently attends a special school where he’s in the sixth form.
Like your son, our ds will most definitely always need support when he leaves home. We have looked at supported living places that are near where we live and they do vary some good and others not so good, were looking at small placement homes not large institutions we want it to feel like a home for him.
Our ds name is on a waiting list we’ve been told but we want him to finish his education and possible college placement and get him settled with life after education with day service in the area before we will let him leave home.
We are trying to make the transition from home to supported living as easy as possible for him, that’s why we want his daily routine settled once he leaves education as it’s going to be a huge change for him and us.
We’ve been told a placement will possibly be available when he’s in his early 20’s which suites us. We have a younger Dd but feel it would be very unfair on her to leave any decision making up to her she must be allowed to have a life of her own which we have always tried to make sure she doesn’t get forgotten about and she is extremely good with him which is lovely to see, and I know when we are gone she will look out for him as best she can, but ultimately my Dh and myself want to ensure we get him in the best placement possible, and if that particular placement isn’t working for him we bring him home and look for another placement.
We initially spoke to my sons social worker who referred us to adult services who visited us and we discussed what we wanted for him, I admit I cried at the thought of him leaving home and the lady said that most of the parent she see’s usually cry when they discuss supported living, after that we arranged a date where she took us to see various diffrent placement, we were then due to go on another day to look at day services for him but I admit it all got a bit too much for me and had to cancel but I will rearrange.
The lady from adult services did say that it’s best to look at supported living and get him a placement while he’s still young as it’s easier for him to adapt, she had cases where the parent’s were in their 80’s and no longer able to care for their adult child who then found the transition to a new home very unsettling.
For me I didn’t want my ds to think I was abandoning him, I still would like him to come home for the weekend every other week or once a month, I know I’m going to miss him terribly but I also know it’s his future and what’s best for him ultimately.