Barely on speaking terms with my ds

[jennyt19]

Hi All

My 13 yr old DS has just been diagnosed with ADD (not ADHD). He's not yet been put on medication but that is where he is heading (he's having a whole mass of tests). My dh and I take it in turns being in the house to greet my ds so that there is someone there to make sure he does his h/w. The last 2 evenings it has been my turn and he has been awful. He will not listen to me, he talks over me as I speak. He tells me I'm being completely unreasonable and the h/w he wrote down he has already done in class. Last time we had a argument like this it became violent and I don't want it to become violent again so I'm trying to stay calm. At my wits end. Don't know how to handle this. Talked it over with a friend this afternoon and she said that if he doesn't want to do it there really isn't much you can do. The problem is when I open his class books he's behind on every subject and his test results are unbelievably bad.

Please help.

I think that first of all you need to enlist the help of the school. They should have some kind of plan for your DS in terms of how they are supporting his education. I am pushing for my DS the same thing, he is 13 and behind, and always tells me he has no homework, but this just does not seem right. They should have a plan in place, in not sure they are really supporting him though. I'm sorry you're having a g a hard time. It's so difficult isn't it? My DS has always been a challenge, but with the onset of puberty he is angry and aggressive as well.

Medication may help by the way, it seems to help my DS, but there is a lot to do to get the dosage right and I don't think we're there yet.

The book "get out of my life but 1st drive me and Alex into town" has lots of useful advise.
For homework it talks of having a dedicated time whether ther is homework to do or not. So everyday 4.30-5 30 he sits at the table. No electronics . He can read or do homework but he has to spend the time there. Don't argue. That's just now it is. Whatever reasons he comes up with you just say. Irrespective of xxx this is homework time.
Book has good info on dealing with conflict

Should of added, make sure you prepare him for changes. E.g. From tomorrow this is what we are going to do. Would you like study time to be 4.30-5.30 or 5pm -6pm etc
. Also do something really un interesting yourself at the same time. No electronics for you! Read or do a crossword or wash up. So things seem fair.