ASD/Shyness/Social Anxiety or what?

[myotherusernameisbetter]

OH picked 15 year old DS1 form a Scout event today. It was a selection event for a camp next summer that he says he wants to go on. We stressed to him beforehand that he needs to smile and join in as that's the type of thing they are looking for. When DH picked him up he was standing to the side of the group looking like a fish out of water. This is really what he does all the time. He stands with a blank face, not joining in, not contributing and looking awkward. And yet, he always wants to go on camps, he has done his DofE bronze and is doing Silver and basically never turns down an opportunity to go and do something, even if he doesn't know anyone.

When he came home I asked him if he enjoyed himself and he said "yes".

He went on a week long camp the summer before last and ended up hanging about with a couple of much younger boys as the ones his age or slightly younger were all going about together, chatting to other kids and generally doing what young teens do and he didn't join them - they didn't exclude him, just didn't go out of their way to drag him along. And yet he wants to go to this camp which will be similar - that's if he gets a place.

He is very non communicative even with people he knows and I think he is similar at school. However, he can be on skype and gaming with friends and is chatty and involved.

When he was about 10.5 he had an initial meeting at Camhs and they said that they could test him for ASD but felt that it would come out borderline. As he was doing okay at the time, we didn't pursue a diagnosis but now I'm wondering if we've done him a disservice.

I'm finding the contrast with his younger brother who is by no means the life and soul of the party, very marked. I really don't know what to do for him - if anything...

So, what do you think?

Flour ds sounds like he's on the spectrum. I've a 15 yr old with Aspergers and he's the same. He wants to be a part of a peer group but just...can't...do...it.

I'd go back to diagnosis if I were you.

15 yr old ds here too with Aspergers ...was diagnosed at 9. You could honestly be describing my son with your description.I too would say go back to diagnosis...it will make all the difference.Like Eliza my ds wants to be part of a peer group too but just ...can't...do...it either

ChristmasEvie ...it's so hard for our Aspies, isn't it? We're in south Cheshire, if your anywhere near us?

OP, I was told many times that my dos would gain nothing by having a Statement. I insisted after his diagnosis. I'm so glad I did. Far from being a "label" it became a gateway to getting the help he needed not only through his education but in many other areas too. For years I was told my son was only mildly autistic. He's high functioning but now, as a teen, his condition separates him massively. It IS the social side, the lack of peer friendships that is impacting him most of all in these teen years.

Completely agree Eliza....we were advised to 'wait and see' as he was very mild etc but it becomes way more pronounced as they head into the teenage yrs and really sets them apart from their peers. Getting him officially diagnosed has made the world of difference and it really has opened doors for him.It afforded him the support he has needed academically and and as a result he is flourishing at school. Unfortunately Eliza no we are nowhere near you! I have learned though that often when we think 'oh poor ds he is so alone with no friends etc' that it bothers us far more than it bothers him really and while yes he would like to be part of a peer group it really is far more of an issue for me us!. I would definitely get a diagnosis for your son OP.

Its not for me to say its not autism, but what you say could equally well describe social anxiety or selective mutism - from what I saw with DD2. DD2 could talk in the presence of one friend, two max; but more than that, she could not say a word - even though she had been friends with all of them for 6 years plus. She said herself, after leaving school that she stopped talking at school for years at a time. She's fine with the family at home, on social media and older people, who she sees as more mature, and less judgmental. All her social problems are with young people, her own age.

What is he like with the family at home?