15 yo AS son, upset about to being able to,socialise

[BaconAndAvocado]

DS is doing extremely well,academically and has a really lovely small friendship group but he was put into a different situation this evening where he tried to interact/talk to a group of students and found he couldn't.

He's come home and been quite down, saying things like "it's me, I can't socialise".

As I read this I know that anyone could react to a new social situation in this manner but I just want to help and reassure him but I don't know how as he knows that this is always going to be something that will be a problem.

Tia

Bump

Bacon post this again in Special Needs children as you will get plenty of replies over there.Lots over there have teens also. I feel your pain by the way,my ds is 13 and has the same problem.He has As also and knows he finds it difficult to chit-chat with his peers and it is really isolating him...sad thing is it never bothered him before but he is feeling it now he is a teenager..

Thanks kirabelle will do so. Sorry to hear your DS going throug same thing.

I think these holidays are going to be very difficult for all concerned

Poor lad, it's hard enough facing new social situations as an adult without adding AS to the mix.

I have a slightly different challenge, in that DS2 (11) thinks he's much better in new social situations than he actually is. Children who don't yet know him end up mocking him or laughing at him, but he doesn't realise it and thinks they are his new friends.

I guess that's very similar in that its inappropriate behaviour.

Often my DS will crack a joke in a really exaggerated fashion or do something very quirky/strange so he can fit in more.

DS2 has only one tool in his smalltalk repertoire: Minecraft.

We went to the cinema at the weekend and there was a group of girls in the row behind us. They looked about Y6, same age as DS2. I could see him thinking "Oooh, potential friends" and he turned around and started talking to them about Minecraft. They looked a bit taken aback and then started giggling together. DS2 could not see the difference between approaching a group of unknown children at the cinema, and approaching a group of new children at a secondary transition event, or the local park.

Had forgotten I'd posted this message 3 months ago!

Have just posted a very similar one in SEN.

Obviously this problem will continue to rear its head again and again.

Had some excellent advice from rawcoconut about practising small talk.

Anyone else got any pointers?

Tia

I sometimes feel that we place too much emphasis on our children being responsible for their social interaction, meaning that they end up having to make the first move and that's always difficult even without additional needs. It must be far harder when you're expecting rejection before you even start.

My ds, nearly 15, is a big comedy fan and likes to wear t-shirts that reflect his taste. A positive side effect has been that other teens approach HIM to talk about comedy and it takes the pressure off him to force himself on people. There is an automatic common ground which establishes a mutual interest.

Like a lot of other teens with SN his small-talk limit is gaming but even this quickly becomes boring for other people with a more typical range of interests. Perhaps if your ds has some interests he can 'advertise' as mine does it might encourage other people to introduce conversation topics that might not occur to him when in the moment. It's certainly true for ds - he'd never think to start a conversation about Big Bang Theory but when he's wearing one of his t-shirts someone else is bound to.

That's an interesting idea streaky but DS is very very particular about what he wears. He's going through a designer PHASE......

I will talk to him about this though.

Wearing the 'right' clothes is a good talking point .
If he likes labels then I'm sure he'd attract attention and an opportunity to discuss fashionable clothing.

I've just found this thread. ThreeBeeOneGee that sounds so like my son, also 11. He thinks he has lots of friends, but school informs me that he's just getting on a lot of people's nerves and making himself deeply unpopular. My heart is breaking for him. It's bloody lonely, isn't it?