AS teen son

[desperadoe]

My 18yr old aspie will not go to college again today. He is about to throw away all the work he has done towards his course. I am all tired out with being supportive, cajoling, consoling, encouraging and sympathetic. This morning I feel angry , frustrated, tearful and disappointed. I want to call him lazy, self destructive, self pitying and all the things that i know are unfair and would just destroy the little self esteem he has. I know that it is not really him i despise but this 'stealth bomber' of a condition that I cannot see to fight, cannot understand enough to help. That has so fundamentally changed our family - our children, our choices, all our personalities. I feel bitter and i do not want to be a bitter person. I will pick myself up, I have to (with the help of pills) and I hear myself sounding self-pitying which I hate. But those of you living with an Aspie teen will, I hope, understand my angst. Thank you for listening.

Been there. Still am really. Mine is eighteen too and is refusing to think about college. He is at school still and the sensible thing would be for him to go to college but he is so anxious about it. He went on shut down last week in half term and did something stupid and regretfully I lost my temper with him so now feel awful. He seems fine but just sometimes it gets too much. I feel I am the one pushing all the time.

What will your son do if he gives up? Have some virtual wine and join me gibbering in the corner.

Thank you flappingandflying for your response and for the virtual wine - I had a large glass!
It is 6th form college my son is in (or not in!) at the moment so further ed still an option but only if he decides to engage with it. It is so hard to pick apart; what is the AS, what is depression , what is teenager stuff and what is just bloomin laziness?

Has your son been back to school this week?

Yes, he's ok at school although has had a rocky time since last march when my Dad died. Flyingboy sort of fell to bits. They've been brilliant with him. He was at school but they supported them at college so he passed his level 1 diploma. Now they are running a level 2 in house which he is doing. He wanted to stay on at school and be supported by them at college but they are not doing that again and there is no suitable course for him to do. So he's got very anxious about going to college (we've suggested a level 2 course again) because he doesn't reckon much to the support there. I've found a different college so we will look round there and he's been more positive about that today. He's come home very happy and settled which is good. We are wondering whether he might be better doing a job rather than college if he's so dead set against it. Fotunately we've had wonderful news from SS about his support payments so that might give some more options and the Transition team seem quite hot so that's another positive.

What was your son studying? It's so bloody hard when they get like this. I've wondered whether Flying Boy needs medication for his anxiety but its certain things that cause it and it isn't all the time. I do feel a bit alone as all my friends with kids the same age are all blithly talking about university and the two gap year students I work with who are the same age are just so mature compared to him.