SEND 11 year old and independence

[SENDChaos]

Hi everyone.

My son is nearly 12, autistic, along with ADHD and ADD. He has also been out of education since October 2025 due to the school not being safe for him and then not following his EHCP (MOSSBOURNE VICTORIA PARK ACADEMY).

I was talking about his upcoming birthday in July, trying to see what he’s after and he’s told me he wants his own set of keys for our flat.

He goes over to the shop without me and once we have the weather, I do allow him to pay out in our crescent with other kids but that’s it. He’s desperate for some independence and I’m not sure how to navigate it as he’s either with me or I’m indoors.

Any suggestions

On the key front, if you think DS is capable of having a key but the problem is you are either with him or already at home, DS may still like being able to use his key to let himself in.

Looking at wider independence, has DS had a social care assessment? You could look at that with the aim of securing funding for a PA.

Also, have a look at your local short breaks offer. There may not be anything suitable, but it is worth a look.

Unless you are EHE, request alternative provision. You should also request an early review if that isn’t already in progress.

I don’t know if he is capable. I don’t even let him take his phone out when he’s playing out because he gets so distracted or someone would ask him for it and he’d just hand it over. We don’t live in a particularly safe area for that sort of thing.

we already receive short breaks and the LA have just agreed to a AP while we now fight over schools.

hes my first and only. He’s also completely different to how I was at his age which is understandable because of the times but I wanna give him independence but in a safe a possible way. If there is such a thing 🤣

My DD desperately sought independence at that age but I couldn’t have trusted her with keys as she would have gone out in the middle of the night. In fact we used to lock up and take the keys to bed with us. If he does have keys, could he have a loop inside his pocket to attach them too? I have ADHD have have trouble with losing things. At that age the keys would have probably been lost the first time I went out with them. Could you also agree with him that he has keys but hands them over in the evening?