Join us in the Goose and Carrot Pub thread.

[ExistingonCoffee]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted and 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The fire is on and the bar is well stocked.

@ExistingonCoffee Ha! That made me smile, DD is so noisy but also very intolerant of noise. DM gamely watches tv with DD on volume 4, what with her bad sight and no volume it’s a wonder DM keeps up and still seems to say the right things!

@ZairWazAnOldLady I am now sitting with a finger in one ear whisper singing. Genius!

lougle I know the feeling I had when Ds was ill that I really could not survive much longer. An inpatient stay for Ds was what saved me but we were fortunate that it was a really good unit which eventually turned things round for Ds and I am aware that that is not always the case.
But you really do need respite of some kind. Can DD1's team support you to ask for that?

@Lougle I’m probably not expressing myself very well. You must ignore me when I’m irritating. I never know where MH starts and disability begins and how LD and ASD and communication mix together. It’s all one thing here but I’m not sure our way is the best way at all

The psychologist has phoned. They're going to make a safeguarding referral to put pressure on social care. Referrals to the intensive support team and the dynamic risk register. She's thinking that the medication may need to stop because it just seems to be ramping up DD1's drive for food and anger levels.

I don't know what the answer is. She's frightening herself and I'm frightened for her. I don't know if any placement would help. She was hyperventilating at the thought of living somewhere else yesterday, but then perhaps if she did have a stay somewhere that they can be focused on her if would help? I can't be everything I need to be for everyone.

I'm going to take a break, I think. I'm just dragging everything down. Apologies.

lougle take a break if you feel You need it but we are here to support each other at the toughest times.
I hope something really helpful comes out of these actions.

@Lougle you have honked me through some very difficult times. It’s ok for you to be honked back by the pub. Take a break if you need one but you really are not dragging anyone down. We are all here. That’s good that there are eyes on DD1’s medication and some urgency being applied to referrals.

@Lougle you have nothing to apologise for. Take a break if you need, but don’t feel you can’t post. Post as much as you want. You aren’t dragging anyone down.

@Lougle I am really sorry things are so difficult and I hope a way forward can be found. This thread is for support @Lougle and you are a key part of it, please don't leave unless you feel it would benefit you. Please don't worry about posting negative things - its a SN thread in reality most news sadly is negative with a few glimmers of hope. If there's anything we can do to help please let us know - if there's anything that's hard to read or you just can't cope with something or you are bored of reading about garden paths just say and I think everyone will understand and adjust, everyone wants to be kind and help here but we all have different traumas and coping (or not coping at times) mechanisms.

You never drag me down. In fact your voice is one I look for @Lougle . Post happy, post sad, post angry, post lost, don’t post and read or don’t post and don’t read, you are very important to this board and we all want you to do what’s best for you.

The sudden gaps in my posting are usually when RL is more ghastly and I worry that I will make someone feel unseen or uncared for but like you so many people pull at me in so many different directions that I just have to do what works because in those moments just keeping going is all I have. You are an enormously impressive mum to your 3dds and support so many people in RL and online.

All honking for you today.

@Lougle Please ignore if not helpful. I would have a think from a blank sheet on how you would like things to be for you all in 5 years. Like do you think it possible DDs 2 and 3 could become independent and leave home within that timeframe. What would be best for DD1 considering the whole families needs and not forgetting yourself. Often the assessments only consider the child concerned but this is often where they fail as they force solutions which don't work and take several people down in an attempt to fail to save one. What you are being expected to do is completely unviable - you can't be 3 people's MH and SN support 24/7 365 days a year. I wish I could tell you the solution. Think about what has helped and what has made things worse. I really think you need a break and to think of your needs though appreciate that maybe impossible to get.

Hope the school meeting wasn't too painful @ZairWazAnOldLady

Nothing that much happening here. DS does seem to be walking round the paths and enjoying the garden (weather has been relatively good) mud is still constant downstairs, we cleaned the floors on Monday, cleaner cleaned them on Tuesday and DH and I went swimming on Wed and I needed to clean them again on return. I need to borrow my old friend's husband who used to follow people round with a hoover. DS has also put one of the outdoor cushions I got on the shed roof - wasn't really what I had in mind as a place to use it to sit on but at least he's using it. The squirrel goes on the shed roof so he'll have a friend. DH has just been to collect the coffee and nest of tables I ordered for DS for the living room. So far the sofa is staying in perfect condition, cat is not overly interested, its more people he loves. DS seems to use it and in living room a fair amount but prefers to be alone in there. Hopefully working on final garden path this weekend, they are heavy these ones and I need to be careful with my right arm as its the reconstructed breast side. DH will be doing it too. Can't wait until we can get turf down. Other than that holiday planning, which is nearly done.

DS has been going to the last half hour of Scouts as he finds it quite noisy. So we've been taking DD and then he chills at home and then goes back with one of us. Today he was watching Brian Cox (his new favourite TV presenter) and then said "when are we going" DH 20 mins, 2 minutes later "can we go now?".

DD1 was campaigning for a hospital bed today. The psychologist told her she wasn't that kind of Dr, so DD1 suggested that she sends a text to the psychiatrist. It was all very much more fraught than that, of course.

The psychologist emailed today. The DSR outcome was amber and they're going to ask SS to hurry along a section 9 assessment.

@drspouse lovely to not have to be the energy behind an activity. Go DS.

@Lougle more traction for support, I hope so. My shorthand is ‘it was tricky’ for really awful days or ‘it went well’ for days that were still difficult but who has the energy to explain. Thinking of DD1 this weekend she is trying to find a way through back to herself.

Thinking of you @Lougle and hoping a way forward can be found for you all that eases things.

@Lougle I hope more support is coming your way very soon. Is social care also going to carry out a carer’s assessment under s10?

I have loaded the car with cardboard to take to the recycling centre this afternoon. One of the hidden aspects of having DC with medical needs. We have an extra bin but still produce so much cardboard.

DH took DS2&3 to a sports club this morning. DS2 drove. DH says he is not sure he has the patience to take DS2 out very often if he and DS2 want to be speaking by the time DS2 passes his test.

No S10 mentioned @ExistingonCoffee .

Ha! I know the feeling re. Driving supervision. DD3 has got really quite good, although we did have cross words the other day when she decided my judgement was over cautious at a roundabout. DD2 still needs quite a lot of guidance.

Apparently, there were lots of explosions in Bahrain - the American naval base? Missiles are being intercepted.

I wouldn’t want to fly to Dubai in the near future! A friend of ours is in Taiwan - DH pointed out, he might not be able to fly home over the Middle East. As he’s with an EU airline, we can’t imagine Russia will let them use their airspace either!

@Lougle I would ask about a carer’s assessment too.

DS2 would fit in well with your DD3. I have yet to take DS2 out, but I can imagine what he is like.

We need 4 extra bins for cardboard. Because of DSs’ medical needs, we have an extra bin for recycling cardboard and an extra general waste bin, but the cardboard takes over. We store it in the garage, then do a recycling centre run when we have a car full. When things are quieter here, I might need to request an extra, extra bin. We were turned down previously because residents are only allowed one extra bin above what all households can have.

"When things are quieter here, I might need to request an extra, extra bin." 🤣🤣

Ooh you know how to live.

@Lougle I like to push the boat out.

Everyone is allowed 9 big bins here, 4 for plants, 4 for cardboard etc and 1 black and some people can get extra black ones.

DH has assembled the burgundy coffee table and side tables, he was not impressed when I ordered those as they were cheap ones, but now says they are nice and match the sofa perfectly. I wasn't sure it was worth buying expensive ones as DS is like a clumsy wild pig in the house at times.

Hopefully gardening tomorrow. Just monitoring re holiday atm. Everything over there and car park is free cancellation, so it's just the flight cancellation fees, seat booking fees and a small amount for visas that are at risk if we cancel though if airline pulls that will all be refunded. Might be a solution before we go. I've enjoyed planning it and watching train videos anyway 🤣