Losing relationship with my child

[Claennister]

God I totally feel like I should not be saying this, but hopefully you guys can understand where I am coming from, and only by getting it out there can I start to feel any better, or be reassured that (hopefully!) others feel the same way sometimes.

My DD is developmentally delayed in a number of ways, but mostly speech and language. I am hearing impaired, in the UK I don't qualify as deaf but I would be deaf in America. My daughter's language is stuck in that phase at about age 2- 2.5 when they know a couple of words and keep saying them, expecting you to react with such excitement. I am fed up now, though, 18 months of hearing her say the same things is trying.

She is at nursery all day, and she comes home at the same time as my husband and I are home, trying to get some time together to discuss what we are going to make for dinner, how the plan is working for the night, who is doing what, all the important things we have to do. At the same exact time, we are getting an opportunity to spend some time with DD, so I try to fit that in as well, and I feel so guilty when I don't fit it all in. I look forward to seeing her but as soon as I see her I can't wait for her to go to bed because she will finally stop telling me she doesn't like oranges.

We don't have any oranges, we don't offer her oranges, we know she doesn't like oranges, no matter what we say to her she will say it again that she doesn't like oranges. Every night. I'm tired. I can't have another conversation about she doesn't like oranges.

Then the rest of the time she comes over trying to say something, and with her speech and my hearing we just can't communicate. She should be starting at a BSL dual language nursery next year so she learns signs alongside words (not that I know all the signs) so that is easier, cos any words she learns at nursery just now she doens't know signs for, so she comes and says (over and over and over again) "me no ogga" and I am driven to the end of my patience trying ot understand her. She doesn't respond to things like show it to me, take me to it, she just says it again.

I want to spend time with her, I want to help her with her language, but I just feel like I have no idea what to say. She gets mad trying to talk to me, I get mad trying to understand her. I end up withdrawing because I can't face listening to it, and then I feel guilty cos I didn't spend that time with her, and she gets even more clingy to want to tell me all her news every time she does have me there. I just want to feel like we can communicate with each other, enjoy some time together, but she just wants to tell me she doesn't like oranges and Christ knows I have exhausted that topic of conversation by now!!

So now I feel all full of guilt that I didn't give her my 100% attention tonight cos I was trying to cook her dinner and open the mail and do all those other things, but how can I give my priority to her telling me nonsense when I have 'real' things to do. I know that from her perspective it's important to tell me that she doesn't like oranges, that picture is a hat or she got sock on, but it doesn't make it any less irritating! Do you know what I mean?

Hi there. I know what you mean, though slightly different situation.
My son is 2.5 and has CP. He can't speak but desperately wants to communicate. He cannot occupy himself (unless watching tv) which is really time consuming.

I permanently feel bad that I do often feel like playing with him is an exhausting chore and I quite often can't be bothered so I put the tv on. It's hard when you feel that you get very little back.

I know all this makes me sound so bad but it's just so hard that sometimes you don't have the energy. The guilt never ends!

What is your DH doing while you are multi tasking and trying to listen to DD? If he has no problem with his hearing surely he should be spending an hour with DD and some books/games. You need a break, at least until DD can express herself better. Its helping neither of you to become so frustrated with each other. You shouldnt be left feeling so guilty, DH can step in here.

I know what you mean, everytime I try to engage with my son he pushes me away s I feel like just giving up. Don't feel guilty, never stop trying =)

Oh you poor thing I agree with beammeupscotty in that you really need a break. And try not to feel guilty, just do the best you can each day and that doesn't mean being a supermum.

You obviously love your dd and care a lot or you wouldn't be posting.

Working with a little one must be hard so just muddle through the week and spend a bit of extra time with her at the weekend. Try and relax and eventually she will make progress and stop talking about the blardy oranges and in years to come you will laugh about it.

I always think the only thing all Mums have in common, is that they all feel guilty.

Everyone who works full time finds it hard when they get home - and naturally you are going to find it an awful lot harder than mums without all of these difficulties.

I eat on the way home from work so that when I get home from work I am not too tired to engage with my children. So I never sit down to eat with my husband - but I do have energy for my kids in the evening.

Even if you don't want to have your full dinner on the run, how about a banana or something so that you can spend half an hour with her before thinking about dinner.

Can you do something to engage with her (when you're not exhausted / busy) that doesn't revolve around talking, drawing, play doh, brushing her hair...

Good luck. We all do sympathise with you.