At what stage would you tell someone your child is Autistic?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Just interested really.

Ds (7) got all tangled up in someones dog lead today, totally random person but ds saw the lead, decided he had to shimmy underneath it and took about twenty steps to get to this random person in order to do so. Dog freaked out, everyone in a heap .

I didn't explain as it all happened quite quickly but the did look a bit .

Do you bother to explain when these things happen or just move on rapidly? To look at him you would never know he is autistic, he is very High Functioning, just the odd rather large quirk.

I tell people that DS has ASD when it feels natural or necessary. But don't apologise for his ASD, maybe apologise for unexpected and certainly unacceptable behaviour. The more you do it the easier it gets.

I don't know, DS1 is exactly the same, one dad wanted to take him on a long bike ride on the road and I had to explain then, other wise I tend to smile an say 'sorry, he's a little bit random'. He loves being described as random and even has a t-shirt with it printed on!

(and honestly I can see DS1 doing exactly the same thing!)

Yes, random is the perfect word for it.

He thinks it, he does it and you can't possibly anticipate it because it so NOT what most people would do. There is this cafe we go to in our local park and he would think nothing of going and sitting down with people he has never met and start running his cars over the table, he doesn't even notice they are there, doesn't speak to them, nothing, they all just sit there staring at this unresponsive child, until I can get over there. He is not lost, just thinks I want to sit there and does.

So many things like this. I am like this about him about 90% of the time.

I prefer to describe DS2 as quirky

I only ever tell people if the situation calls for it, usually if it is someone or somewhere I'll encounter again. the bus drivers on our regular route all know DS2 and his quirky ways, some even stop the bus and wait if they see us and know we'll get it. Some of the checkout ladies in Tesco know as well. There are other people as well that know about him.

It doesn't bother me the amount of people who know, it does mke it easier sometimes that people do know.

DS1 is 10, and I am more now! The no of things he does that are, as you say, 'you can't possibly anticipate it because it so NOT what most people would do'. Last week when we were having dinner with my in laws he got up from the table and wandered around for ages making baby dinosaur noises with his elbows tucked in and his head bobbing up and down. Sometimes I'd love to spend an hour inside his head to see exactly what the reasoning is in there! I've just relaxed into it and enjoy it now (well not the bits where he runs into roads, but you know what I mean!)

I think this is what is so hard to explain to unsympathetic family members and well, almost everyone really. The total randomness of him is what you have to watchful for. Yes he looks, sounds and is fine around 80% of the time but you just never know so you have to be on guard for it 100% of the time. Even now I find myself shrieking "DS what on EARTH are you DOING??!!!" when he does something particulary obscure and it has totally surprised me and I KNOW he has autism.

Bless their little hearts, our little odd balls .

I usually just say "He has autism, and doesn't quite get xx or understand xx or finds it too noisy/bright/hot/cold". Usually I'm met with a face but I still feel the need to explain why he is licking the slide at the soft play or why he is sniffing all the small childrens heads.

The NAS do 'autism alert' cards that you can carry around with you -- if your dc gets into one of those situations where people begin to look a bit funny, or they're having a massive melt down, or licking slides or whatever, you can silently hand it to whoever's got their eyebrows raised. It says something like 'this young person has a form of autism and may behave strangely (or something) then explains very briefly what autism is. Might help. Mind you, I've never been together enough to remember to put mine in my purse . But it might be worth getting some.

I'd get too flustered to hand the cards out. I'd quite like a t-shirt from the NAS, the one that says "Autistic by day, deadly ninja by night"

I tend to tell people after they have met him a few times - otherwise I worry that they approach him with a certain idea of 'autism' in their heads.
As for odd behaviours, he gets away with it because he's only 4 - but I will adopt the 'random' explanation, which is very cool!

Cards are a good idea I think. Although I tend to have my hands full in these situations.

Maybe I could just chuck a load in the general direction of all on lookers before I haul ds away .

Why thank you for the vote for 'random'!

Before he was diagnosed (as I spent a lot of time with my head in the sand, fingers in ears going 'la la I'm not listening' when his teachers spoke to me yet again), we just used to call him random, when we met with the SENCO for the first time and she asked me to describe him I explained that I'd just seen a t shirt with random written on and had immediately bought it for him. She put her head on one side and said 'Mrs Lost, you don't seem to be taking this very seriously' !!!!!!

What do you say to your DS' when you visit the Dr's? Mine's a bright 10 year old and I hate discussing his odd behaviour infront of the Dr in case he feels that he is somehow wrong, but he won't go out of the Dr's room without me. (We were there yesterday and he spent most of the meeting with his yellow comfort blanket wrapped around his head and shoulders, I did say to the Dr that I appreciated it wasn't 'normal' behaviour.)