Should dd1 (AS) be getting help at school?

[Marne]

Dd1 is 6.5 and has a dx of AS, so far she has had no help at school (because she hasn't needed it), in september she will be going into year 2. In reception i was told that dd1 shows no signs of having AS (just a little sensitive), now in yr1 her AS is starting to show. Dd1 is struggling with social situations and can not cope with changes in routine.
Yesterday we had her school report, under each subject is stated that dd1 gets frustrated when things don't go her way, in drama dd1 gets frustrated when people forget their lines or try to change things, in english it says she has great ideas but struggles to get them down on paper.
Yesterday i took her sister in to school for a taster session, i spent most of the time watching dd1 and i am very worried by what i saw , dd1 was crying and shouting at another child as they had placed a piece of railway track in the wrong place (not where dd1 wanted it), dd1 got very upset and frustrated. She seems to cry a lot (mainly when things are not going her way) and now she's getting older the other children are noticing that dd1 is different and they don't want to be with her.

Dd1 is doing really well at school, she's above average in most subjects, the school seems to think she is doing really well but i am worried about her frustration and anxiety.

Do you think we could get the school to ask for outreach from the local sn/asd school? I feel that we (me and the school) needs advice on how to handle the frustration and anxiety dd1 is getting.

Talk to the SENCo and say what you saw and what your concerns are and see what she comes up with.

Your poor DD Marne

I think the outreach would be a good idea to start with. DS2s 1:1 uses that at times when she/DS2 is having difficulty with something. Maybe she neds someone with her when there is going to be something less structured, someone to help her understand that this will happen and that it is fine if it does.

We've been told that DS2 will start to struggle in Y1 and even more so in Y2. He has full 1:1 atm, but we are well aware that he will more than likely have to go to SN school eventually.

Hope you can get some help for her.

Thank you, i will try and speak to the SENCO when i pick dd1 up, luckily the SENCO is her teacher. When she was upset the teacher did not take much notice, eventually another child went and got the teacher (i don't know how she didn't hear dd1 crying), i don't think the teacher really see's it as a problem (as dd1 does not get violent or upset anyone else). To me it is a big problem as i have to cope with the anxiety when she gets home. Dd1 really wants to be friends with everyone but as soon as something doesn't go her way she gets really upset and starts saying things like "i'm useless" and "i'm the worst child" .

We seem to have been able to help her with most situations using role play and social stories but when we try and sort this problem out she just argues with me and doesn't understand why the other children keep doing things that are wrong (wrong to her).

I think if we can overcome this problem and teach her to control her frustration (rather than crying/screaming) then she will continue to do well in MS. Luckily she has a couple friends who seem to have got used to her behaviour and they try and calm her down but i'm worried that eventually they will get fed up with it.

I don't have her friends over to the house as she is even worse at home (no one can move her toys and she has to be in charge), she seems better when she goes to others houses.

Marne

Your DD now needs a Statement of special needs from the LEA. Its the surest (I would argue only) way of actually getting the help that matters to your DD.

You are your child's best - and only - real advocate.

Statements are not just for educational needs, they can address social and communication difficulties as well. Do not let them tell you for instance that she is too able academically to warrant having a Statement.

Please seriously consider applying for such a document now from the LEA. School is not going to get any easier for her particularly without ongoing support and she could well have a bloody hard time in Jrs because of all the unwritten social conventions these places have.

"Do you think we could get the school to ask for outreach from the local sn/asd school?"

Think that would be an excellent idea. Again though, more help won't necessarily be forthcoming without a Statement being in place.

SENCO was not at school when i picked dd1 up.

Do you think i will be able to get her a statement? We have just been through the process with dd2 who has Autism (more severe than her sister), dd2 needs full time 1:1 support. I'm worried they will say no because dd1 is doing well in every other area apart from socially, what support can she get? (other than outreach).

I have been in and out of the school office almost every day arranging for her sister to start in September, they must think 'oh no, not her again' when they see me walk into the office .

I think a lot of the time the teachers and head don't see a problem with dd1, they think she is brilliant (she's teachers pet), i think they are blind to whats going on. .

Marne

You won't know re the Statement unless you start the process yourself and I would get the ball rolling on this process asap. I personally think you have just as good a chance as anyone else who applies for such a document. Better also to apply now when she is really starting to struggle at school rather than say in Y3-4 of Junior school when she could be really struggling.

As mentioned statements are not just for academic needs, they can cover social and communication difficulties as well.

The LEA - and no-one - else makes the decision whether or not to assess re a Statement. You as the parents too can appeal if the LEA initially say no.

A well written statement with both qualified and quantified provision on it (as required by law) is a legal safeguard as well of her educational right. Nothing else offered to you in terms of school plans is legally binding.

www.ipsea.org.uk

This wesbite is informative and they have model letters you can use too.

Marne - I have no experience of Outreach so I cannot comment but I think you should maybe approach SENCO. We have just had DD (just turned 4 ASD) statement agreed and I seem to remember that when the school applied and the SENCO went through the statement process with me there were various options for application.
eg ASD plus speech and language (this was the one applicable to DD)
ASD plus emotional behaviour
ASD plus behavioural difficulties
I am sure there was another option but cannot remember. Maybe ASD plus emotional may apply to your daughter. I wish I could recall more detail but I'm sure if you approach someone like IPSEA or SOS:SEN they could advise.
I wish you all the best. I am so thankful that DD's school have been so pro-active in support. I do not know what the future holds for DD but she will be getting 25hrs support come September and I am sure this will be critical to her development.