Mistakenly posted on AIBU - restraint

[Glitterknickaz]

(cringes)

So, teachers have Team Teach but is there anything similar for parents?

My boys are not generally violent or aggressive kids BUT.... DS1 on very rare occurrences can lose it to extremes and DS2 is increasingly getting more physical in his meltdowns.

Last week I had DS2 throwing himself to the floor and trying to kick and bite me because I was unable to park where I usually do. DS2 would also throw himself off a high place if the fancy took him and I have been headbutted in the face trying to restrain him.

They are only 6 and 5 but getting bigger and stronger. I've asked a couple of years ago and was told that I couldn't do this training as I may use it to abuse them!?!?! but overheard someone saying it's now available for parents.

So anyone know? Or am I going to have to keep icepacks in reserve for my face?

No advice unfortunately, but will pop over to AIBU and give you support on that thread as needed I don't post in there now, too scary!

I'd love to know, too.

Ooops, ignore me, just realised it was a mistaken post in there lol! Must read before typing lol!

A mate of mine has similar issues with her nearly 11 year old, he's nearly as tall and as strong. We're really getting hurt here and I really resent being told that to learn this stuff could lead to abuse.

I have known parents and carers to train in TT, no problems. Most of the training is to do with not getting to the stage of restraint IYKWIM. Are they still in MS, have the teachers had the training?

they are in ms, and today one of the teachers had to use the training to block an attempted punch and kick.... I just need to know for home reasons how to block attack and how to hold onto them when they want to throw themselves off something

I was told TT isn't open to parents, but if it is how do I get on the course?

THe ones I knew that came did it through the school. So if school are saying no, maybe you could go to the trainers direct?

As an aside, I would be interested to learn what had happened just before the attempted punch and kick. I know I always bang on about it, but I have found a good ABC record worth it's weight in gold when it comes to not getting bitten/ kicked/ thumped long term. Of course, it's very different in home/ social situations.

On this occasion the teacher attempted to change his nappy, which was heavily soiled.

He didn't want her to do it.

My main worry, as I can side jump a punch/kick/whatever is being able to hold him if he gets the impulse to hurl himself downstairs/in a pond/whatever, that's most valuable. Triggers for violence at home can be not being allowed to do everything first before anyone else in the family, loud noises (got him ear defenders) or too many people around. Problem is we don't always know if he wants to be involved in an activity so he'll want to go first when we don't know he wants to do it iygwim

In same position as you. J needs restraint a lot at school but I've been asking for 3 years and they're not allowed to let me have training. SW says it's because, if I accidentally killed him , I'd have no insurance and could sue the training provider .

So, as it is, if I injure J or get injured myself, I will just sue them anyway for failing to protect us both

I will be asking for the DF grant if this continues, so I can build him a safe room, to protect us both. £30k versus giving me some training? May get the training yet, I reckon.

There must be something nationwide. Ridiculous if not.

GMV, I think your SW is talking the big hairy bollocks, because if you are trained properly (refreshers each year, retrained every so often) there is no way you could cause damage.

Our trainer said they had demonstrated the techniques to a policeman, who said, well that's all very well, but it doesn't hurt, what's the point?

I have been asking for some type of training as well.. Nothing happening there!

The school have done the team teach recently.. However ds kicked off big stylee and a staff member got hurt so it didn't work too well..

I have also been hurt on more than one occasion.. My fear is that he'll hurt dd as she is a lot smaller!

If ds2 goes into full meltdown it takes both dh and me to hold him ( one hand on shoulder one hand on elbow each) so that we don't hurt him, but can get everyone else in the room out of the way.

So what am I supposed to do when dh isn't about?

Now we walk on egg shells so nothing sets off .. But sometimes crap happens at school and he will blow at home.
But no one cares if mum gets it.

Just to add ds is most of the time a sensative loving child.. But he does blow when something gets too much for him and I didn't see it coming.

Is Team Teach a behavioural management technique including physical interventions? I have just fought a battle to get (an adapted) SCIP training for parents - of severely disabled children - and the head of my son's school designed a course for us. It was excellent, a real boost to my confidence dealing with DS.

It took so long because of this reluctance to teach parents, as they can't be monitored when they use physical interventions. It is quite ridiculous of course, as we all were using physical restraint anyway, just doing it badly. The most help came from learning about avoiding escalation of challenging behaviour in the first place. Invaluable.

The only reason the training happened was because I fired off an email to someone high up in the council's children's department saying how needed it was and that we were one of the few groups of parents getting any training at all.

i used to work in an ebd uni and so have restract training but its changed in the few years since i have done it. Now when training is done, you are not allowed to do it alone and most holds require 2 staff, so may not suitable for parents.
Could you maybe ask if any of the special schools in the area are undergoing training you could go to? or childminders?

I did Team Teach for work but didn't find it helped when DS was violent.
I think it was to do with the difference in relationship and on one level he did not seem to see me as a separate person when angry. Also of course AS children often blame their parents for making them the way they are. It is all much easier in a teacher/pupil relationship.
There is a need for this sort of thing specifically for parents. I have been on all sorts of courses for parents but none of them has ever dealt with the really big issues about what to do when your child is violent towards you.
It was a very real problem for us when DS hit puberty. Keeping a calm atmosphere at all times and picking our battles helped. But in the end medication was all that stopped it from happening. He is 15 now and more in control of himself.
People with Autism Behaving Badly available on Amazion helped us to identify what was behind a lot of the behaviour but I have to say we felt very much as if we were on our own.
If anyone finds anything let us know.

I do team teach training at work. It is basically as far as I am concerned a legal cover for teaching staff so that if a child has to be handled it is done in legal way. Then less chance for legal action if child or staff are injured.

It does not work if the child is as strong as you. It mainly covers physically removing child from rooms and reducing target area (turning sideways). De-escalation techniques are more useful but are applicable to school rather than home.

To be honest a good self-defence course would be just as useful

Kurly, de-escalation techniques are entirely applicable to home! Just as at school, physical intervention is the last resort. I have found it incredibly useful to think about DS's triggers and change the environment and the way I deal with him, to avoid escalation.

lisad123 - we were taught to do the one-person physical interventions and they have been very helpful. As I said, most parents I know are physically intervening anyway because they have to. Learning the proper way to do it is crucial

It's the craziest thing ever that parents don't get taught this stuff.

we used to learn one person holds but they stopped it a while ago here.

Are things any better, glitterknickaz?

Your thread made me become pro-active again. It's been 2.5 years since school called child in need meeting, with one of the main recommendations being that I needed safe restraint training - SS still won't budge and guess what? J is bigger, stronger and more prone to doing serious damage to himself, me and the house.

So, I will put in my application for the DFG to build a safe-room/ safespace for J, like he has at school, where it works well. All the rooms in our (very small) house are too small for this under the current way the building is. Small extension would do it. Psych agrees it's a good idea. OT has repeatedly referred to the need for safe quiet area for J in school. Statement also refers to it.

But they aren't going to say yes, are they?

I've been headbutted in the face this week. Twice.

This really is effin ridiculous.

Hi all, just thought I would add my training as a parent.
www.calmtraining.co.uk/

HTH x