I am soooo depressed..why don't my family get that I have it soo hard??

[caija]

Hi all, just as the title says really...my family have my blood BOILING, they think I should just snap out of ths depression...I have a disabled wee boy Jack, who is 3, and a wee girl who is 9, I used to post as "Proudest Mummy Ever", last night Jack had a bad night and was up all night...I am shattered, I also had my nephew to stay, who is 6mnths older than my dd, anyway, I phoned my mum earlier to tell her about Jack etc, n she said she would take Jack later to give me a break, and my dd was going to my sister's house..so my sister was gonna b finishing uni at twelve thirty and picking up her son and my dd and taking them to her house...she came at 2 o clock depsite me asking her to come as soon as because I'd had a bad night...I asked her to get me something from shop on the way, and to take Jack to my mum's...she came in in a stinker of a mood at me, because she had to get me smthn from shop and take Jack to my mum's...even though I had had her son all night and had bn up all night...she said I was lazy and expct her to run around after me!! Which btw is not true, I sometimes ask her to stop off at shop for something if she is on her way or tht, and after all the arguing, she left wthout my dd, and went straight to my mum's who proceeded to take her side, they both went on how I use them, and how I should get on with things, n stop relying on them!! They both switched their fnes off, then later my mum said her and my dad would come and get my dd and ds and take dd to my sister and ds to their house for a while...anyway, when they turned up, they were terrible, stony faced etc, so I said they weren't hving Jack if they were in tht mood...my mum replied "I said I'd take him" like it was a chore to her!! So I said to her tht it's about time they were more understanding of my situation, she replied "It's about time u realised tht it's YOUR family" meaning..to get on with it! So they got Jack's buggy bk out the car and took off with Caitlin even tho I had said to get her bk in. I am soo soo upset, they don't knw the half of hw I feel, I am hanging by a thread right nw

the thing is, although they werent nice about it, they are right, they are your children. We all want more help than we get and need sometimes. Maybe its all come to a blow but been building for a while. Have you explained to your family how hard it is? what it is that you need from them? (is dad around, is he anyhelp?)
Maybe instead of these adhock babysitting, you could ask them for regualer times? Is Jack in preschool/nursery? Can they offer more help? Lackof sleep is terrible and makes everything seem worse.
When the kids are in bed, get yourself some tea/wine and chill for a bit, or rant on here
My mum is never keen to have my girls and we havet had an overnight break in 4 years. her reason is that she has had her children and my dds wake early.
Anychance of homestart or ss helping you out?

Caija, I'm sorry things are so tough for you. Rant away. Perhaps it isn't a good idea to have your nephew, so that you can catch up on rest where you can. And if you can't rely on family to help, who can you rely on?

This all sucks doesn't it. I'm sorry your family aren't more understanding. Perhaps you could take a break from them for a while?

Hope you get some sleep soon. Everythings much harder when you're tired.

We live on the other side of the world from both our parents - and while we miss out on a lot of support we also miss out on a lot of fights. On balance we'd prefer to be far far away and do our own thing.

Sounds like there has been lots of resentment brewing on both sides.

Try to calm down, leave it for a while and then try to discuss the issues with them, listening to what they have to say and explaining how you feel also.

I'm sure it can be resolved if everyone tries to be a little more underatdning of the others situation, but that will include yu also.

Sorry you are feeling so bad Caija. I disagree with the other posters, your family should be more supportive. Yes Jack is your responsiblity, but your family shouldn't make you feel like this when you need a hand.
I think you should open up to them and just explain how exhausted you are.

Yeh I agree that they are MY children, the thing is, I NEVER NEVER ask them to take my children, I do it all on my own, but I DO think my family should be more supportive, end of for me really, they make situations much worse than they should be, always have, my sister and I have sorted things, we are usually like best friends, but my mum has always been difficult, it's not in my nature to sit bk and watch someone struggle with lack of sleep etc, and I am a very caring person, my mum is very opiniated, judgemental and she OFFERED today to take Jack, I didn't ASK, herself and my dad say every nw and then "We realise we need to help more, emotionally and physically" My dad works constantly so he is shattered, and I would never expect hm to take the kids after working etc, but my mum gave up working during the week last year, explaining tht she was gonna help me with Jack...never happened

Tribunalgoer, ur post was rather harsh, why?

I have never demanded help, or indeed caused friction....

Hi Caija, sorry to hear the weekend went so badly. It's so awful being at the end of your tether when no-one else particularly cares, or at least it feels that way.

For me I felt much better when I stopped wishing family wd help. Now my expectations are so low that I appreciate even very occasional 10 min watching a sleeping kid while I pop to corner shop. I had to speak to a counsellor to get to that stage though. And if I really need practical help I mostly rely on a paid carer or the local support group rather than family / friends.

I suspect tribunal might have meant you to read her post as something similar, but if you're feeling very down it's harder to assume someone means well. At the risk of interfering, is it worth asking ur GP about depression testing? You seem to have plenty of reason to be at risk of developing it

Hope life looks a bit brighter soon.

Think it reaches a point sadly when you realise that you cant count on anyone

.I started doing that that way no one can hurt me anymore

But know when tired every little thing does grate and you want to get it out your system get fed up of holding it in .Im to scared to let rip

reading between the lines, have you always had a difficult relationship with your mum? just wondering that it's not really about the help as such, as from what you've said you and your sister seem to be trading favours quite evently iyswim.

I haven't read all of this but I think they are being insensitive, selfish f*ckers. OK, they have a right to say "no" but, seriously, is it too much to ask someone to pick something up on their way to your house? I would not have the nephew to stay again when you don't know how your nights are going to be. I wouldn't make a big deal of it but, when the time comes, just say "oh I can't at the moment, I have my hands full and just don't know how the nights will be", perfectly calm and reasonable. If family won't help then start to look elsewhere, e.g. Soc Svs, local charities for daytime clubs etc. They have every right to say "no" but the bad thing is how they seem to FEEL about it

Thanku everyone, you have made me feel that yes, they are being fucking selfish, and I wasn't in the wrong, so sick of their attitudes....Totalchaos, yes, my mum has always been difficult to get on with, and yes Maria, I do suffer with severe depression and OCD, which my family knw only too well, yeah, there was no reason for my sister to blow up like tht FFS, and I know for a fact, hand on heart, that I would never ever act that way to her if she had the life I do.
Yeah Davros, thts what gets me too, is HOW THEY FEEL about it, of course ppl have the right to say no, but it is in fact how they feel tht gets me, upsetting
xx

Yeh TG well I am gonna have to just rely on myself from nw on, n noone else