School-ARGHHHHH!

[curvychick]

Morning All

Once again, i am in need of some advice! I posted a thread a few weeks ago to say that i had pulled ds1 (dyspraxia/?asd) out of school until i could meet with school and get extra support in place. His behaviour was so aggressive, angry, anxious, violent, and it was making us all so sad and upset. I was trying to meet with the school since early May, but couldnt get a meeting with them until 25th June. Said meeting was an absolute joke.

The headmaster made all the right noises but would commit to nothing. He offered a phased return, with a chaperone to accompany ds1 to meet me at the end of the morning session, but stressed it was only a short term option. He would not commit to implementing any of he recommendations made by BIBIC, and the support outlined on his provision map via school action plus and his IEP targets are not being implemented. Despite my best efforts to cross the school threshold for a meeting his IEP hasnt been reviewed since Feb.

I have written to schhol twice since our meeting on 25th june asking for them to clarify in writing what support will be in place for ds return as i feel until i know what they will do, i cant send him back...

Headmaster sent home a very curtly worded letter yesterday, saying they had notified the educational welfare officer of our situation, i should accept the proposals that they have offered and he is concerned as i seem to have 'attached prerequisites' to ds returning to school.

Parent partnership came to the meeting, and were pretty useless...she thought the meeting went well!!! They offered nothing more than they have done previously.

I dont want him to go back to that school with the bullying headmaster who has made a difficult home situation even more bloody stressful, how can i work in partnership with someone like that? If i pull ds out now though, how will that affect the request for a satutory assesment though? If i put him in a new school, will we need to wait another 2 terms (as PP advised) before the new school have the evidence required by the LEA?

On a plus side, ds1 has chilled out beyond belief since he has been at home with us He has even approached me and instigated a cuddle, and a kiss on another occasion Totally unheard of...cant remember the last time that that happened!

In a panic yesterday, i rang the education welfare dept, and the head was bluffing, he hadnt been in touch with them, but i have now, unwittingly grassed myslef up to them, and they will 'investigate our case' and call me back monday. I have spoken to our gp about writing ds a sick note, and have an appointment to see him on monday to discuss everything.

I feel like i am spinning in circles, have no idea what to do....i feel so bloody furious that the educational welfare can force me to send him to school where he is being damaged, but noone can force the school to do put the support in place so i can send him back in. Gah.

Am really seriously considering homeschooling, but am worried about giving him all that he needs and desrves whilst looking after his 3 preschooler siblings....DS2 is due to start at that school in sept but i am now feeling like i never want to set foot in that bloody place again!

Any advice/thoughts most welcome, i cant seem to get my brain in gear and end up round and round in circles

Oh another plus side, we had our initial CAMHs tier 3 assesment appt yesterday...i went in outlined our epic saga, ds hid behind the sofa, and kept telling the psychiatric nurse he didnt want to talk to her and she is recommending ASD assesment asap with the consultant psychiatrist and psychologist as ds is a 'complex case' and we already have 'an awful lot of paperwork for them' hahahaha

Oh and we had our house valued yesterday so we can move and ds1 can get his own bedroom, and our gaff is worth 15k more than we expected so YAY!

You know, I would really think about if there is some way you can manage home schooling. Having had experience of a wily and bullying headteacher myself, I devoted so much emotional energy to just dealing with him that I could have run a whole school on that.

in our case, home ed wasn't the right decision as dd really wanted to be at school (and in the end the head left instead), but in your case, your ds seems to have come on so much since he left that school- have you really got the heart to take him back

don't get this "waiting two terms" thing with a new school- especially since it looks like you are now nearing a diagnosis

What I would do (apart from thinking about home schooling) would be to book appointments with the heads/Sencos of some neighbouring schools, explain the situation and ask how they think they would be able to support your ds

Thank you so much for replying. Cory, i am feeling so conflicted, on one hand i dont have the heart to send him back, he is transformed from how he was 6 weeks ago, but i am terrified about being responsible for his education and making sure he gets what he needs and that i can still give the other 3 the time they need too. I was told that it would take 2 terms for any new school he goes to, to gather the evidence that the LEA require to get a SA. His current school have also trotted out his report card and he has made improvements in all areas, some really big leaps which is excellent, so they are using that as an excuse not to offer anything else.....

I have looked at another school but it is out of county (we are right on the border) and the head has said that as he is on school action plus and we are out of county it causes problems with funding and she wouldnt be able to match the support he is getting now, let alone improve upon it.

Tribunalgoer, the paragraph about the 'pre-requesits' made me want to hop in the car, drive round to school and lamp him one....he really is the most pompus, cheesy PR spinning bullshit merchant i have ever had the misfortune to encountered...well as yet!

I was thinking of speaking to the inclusion officer to see what they have to say too?

School sent a post it note home to me on Tuesays saying that an ed psych was going into school next wednesday. As they hadnt put any more info on it, i rang ed psych (who i have been trying to get ds seen by since he started there) and filled her in. She was rather unimpressed that school hadnt let her know ds had been off for 3 weeks, and she asked if she could come for a home visit the following day. She came, was really good, and is on 'our team'. I am going to go to the meeting on wednesady and take my Dad along (he wont allow the meeting to go round and round in circles) and maybe then we will have a clearer idea of what to do?

WRT other schools, if ds goes back into mainstream, he is going to need somewhere small and with extra support and they are few and far between in our area

Can i clafiry/ask if these are reasons NOT to request a SA

-school dont have the paperwork LA will ask for

-he is making progress within the curriculum

-his behaviour is managebale at school(but not at home when school is involved)

-school havent done all that they can at SA+ level (either because they cant/wont)

Thanks again for your help

9PS homeschooling will be well and truely a secret for now!)

Your DS has been treated appallingly by the sounds of it.

You can home school for as long or as short a period as you like. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision.

Do NOT worry about Educational Welfare. Repeat to them like a mantra: 'The LEA have a legal obligation to provide a satisfactory education and a safe and nurturing environment for my child. I do not believe that the school is providing this. Until the LEA can provide alternative educational provision / the right level and type of of support (whatever it is you think is missing) I remain extremely concerned about my son's emotional wellbeing every day that he attends X school.'

In the meantime, what's happening with Statutory Assessment? Don't wait around for 'evidence'. Anyoen working for the LEA will paint a big scary picture of the statementing process and how extremely difficult it is. In reality, it is stressful, but it can be achieved. In your son's case, it sounds as though securing a good statement is the only way he can remain in mainstream education at the moment. Do you have reports outlining his diagnoses? He has ASD and Dyspraxia and is struggling on SA+. This is all the evidence you need. You could write a pretty damning piece of parental advice to the panel by the sounds of it.

Start researching alternative educational provision in your area. Other parents are the best source of info, I have found. Then you can start to geta realistic idea of whether there are more suitable options for your son around, or whether homeschooling on a longer term basis might be for you.

Thank you reasonable, i did kind of say that to the manager at the Educational welfare office on friday, however i like your more concise version alot better, and it will indeed become my new mantra!

WRT SA, i have all of the letter templates but everyone (school head/senco, parent partnership) say that now isnt the right time basically.....when is the bloody right time?

The only people we have had any recommndations from are BIBIC, due to the lack of involement of ed psych up to this point, so although i know he isnt having his needs met, i dont really know other than bibics recommendations what else he actually needs. School say he is ok at school and is progressing, but the story we get at home is ALOT different, and my absolute gut feeling is that as he is doing ok whilst he is with them all day, they cant be arsed to do anything else.......

I have looked at a private school and tol;d the head this at our meeting on friday....he was fuming, flared nostrils, red faced etc etc, he made me feel like a naughty school girl and cut the meeting short and refuses to discuss anything really until i have confirmed ds will be staying at his school. I however, refuse to confirm if ds will stay there until he confirms what support he WILL implement. And so we continue to go round and round..... I am pretty sure he want ds out of the school and sees me as a neaurotic trouble making mother hence the threatening letter of yesterday!

So really, regardless of if ds is at home, in school or wherever he is, if i want him to be in school, i can request a SA myself?

That should be 'if i want him in school and his needs cant be/arent being met, i can request a SA myself?'

curvy, DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM.

Write the letter requesting SA. Start the ball rolling. They have six weeks to tell you if they will assess or not (not sure what happens this close to the end of summer term?). If they don't agree to assess, you can appeal their decision. If they do agree to assess, you have a few weeks to get together evidence.

The evidence they will gather if they agree to do a SA:

1. They will seek 'medical advice' from a Paediatrician. Has your child seen a Paed? Who diagnosed him? If you already have a report from your Paed, you have that evidence anyway.

2. They will seek evidence from a LEA Ed Psych. My DS had never seen an Ed psych until they did a SA, so don't worry about that. If you want you can pay for a private Ed psych report. Lots of LEAs try to poo-poo these, but they do hold weight, particularly if the Ed psych also works in the NHS.

3. They will seek parental advice. You can get loads of help on MN with writing this up. You basically have to outline what your child's SEN are, how the school is meeting/not meeting these, and (if you have any ideas) what support you think he needs.

4. They will seek advice from the school. If the school give a different version of events to you, so be it. It's a shame, but this alone should NOT put you off making a request for SA.

They can assess based purely on these four elements, but any other evidence you want to include, they MUST consider. I photocopied reports, minutes fro meetings etc and sent them in with my parental advice. Do you have other evidence like this?

I'm not sure about whether you can request SA if you home school? Does anyone else know? However, at the moment you have not officially removed your son from the school roll and the school are highly unlikely to exclude him (on what grounds?) so you could just continue in the way you have been going - keep him on roll, but continue to keep him at home for now. You can explain to the Ed Welfare Officer that, while you are waiting for a decision to be made on a SA, you feel it is best to keep your child at home. Really ham it up. Don't be afraid. Use strong language ('extremely concerned' 'frighetned for your child') and have a browse of the SEN Code of Practice, Lamb Report and Disability Discrimination Act. Drop a quote from these in now and then to put the wind up them

We have a letter from paed with the diagnisis of dyspraxia buthave only just got a foot in the door for asd assesment with cahms. Paed letter does say about pursuing SA. Ed pysch, although only just involved was not impressed with schools input so far, and we are meeting on wednesday. Parental advice i can supply in the bucket load and school, well pah to them, it would seem i do havethe necessary bits to forge ahead, so i will get the ball rolling with that now.

Thank you reasonable

Ah just checked paed report and it states '.....as well as discussing the possibility of statutory assesment' so not really advised....however the SALT report has diagnosed a language disorder and recommended therapy, however salt provision is not provided to school age children in our area without a statement.....his receptive language is average but expressive is significantly higher, so will they argue that he is not under achieving, therefore no SA? Coupled with him progressing academically? I know he needs support, and i know he isnt reaching his full potential, but is that enough?

There are a number of issues here. Perhaps if you have a look here it might be of some help.

educationadvocacy.co.uk/pages/faq.html

curvychick,

"I was told that it would take 2 terms for any new school he goes to, to gather the evidence that the LEA require to get a SA".

Who told you that BS?. You were lied to pure and simple here by the school/head and senco if they said this tripe to you.

Pursue the Statement now and do not take no for an answer!. Your son is being failed here currently and many of his difficulties stem from the fact that his additional support needs are not being met by school.

Private school as well may not implement any Statement as they work outside the LEAs control. I would find a decent state school (certainly not the current one).

A child does not even have to be on School Action plus or even School Action to apply for a Statement.

Statements are not just for academic needs.

You are also his best and only advocate. No-one else will bother directly with regards to his education as you have seen to your cost.

Hi.I have ds with dyspraxia and HFA. He is due to go to Secondary school in August. He is very stressed about it, and has been tearful,beligerant, rude and aggressive at home. At school, at least in the classroom, he can keep it together. He is pretty much a loner, and has found relationships with peers really difficult this year, and I dont see it improving any time soon.
I could see him getting more and more stressed and it was affecting everyone at home, so I kept him at home the last but one week before they broke for summer. The change in him was really noticeable-calmer, more pleasant. He relaxed, did his own thing, and didnt havr to contend with social niceities and peers etc.
Just now, its summer hols, and he is enjoying his own company. I know, the nearer to going back to school, the stress and behaviour will start again.
I think you know your ds best and how stressed he is. Dont worry re the educational welfare officer.You have valid reasons for keeping your ds off school, and are also within your rights to ask the school for appropriate suuport to be put in place before he goes back. Dont be bullied into anything. Stick to your guns and get in writing what the school propose to do for your ds. Keep a copy of all correspondance you send/receive.
You can write to the Head of Education for your area re your concerns and lack of support at ds school. Ask for a response in writing, and say to EWO that ds will remain absent until you hear from Educ. Dept.
Apply for SA yourself-use all reports you have, and anything the GP writes for you. Make it clear, that ds may be achieving academically, but socially and emotionally his needs are not being met and this is having an effect on his mental wellbeing.
One last thing, glad if the EP is on side, but just be wary. They are after all employed by the LEA that is currently failing your ds. EP quite ofte dont want to identify needs, as this is going to cost LEA money. Dont discuss your plans for ds,other than what extra support you would like for your ds at school. HTH.

Thanks Nigel, Attilla and Bigpants (loving the name by the way )

well i am peased to report i am feeling a bit more focused and like i know where i am going. I took the 3 small dc to a soft play centre and sat with my folders re ds1 and drank coffe while baby snoozed and ds2 and 3 charged around like lunatice ds1 is having a very rare day out with his paternal grandad...

I have drafted req for stat.assesment (posted for confirmation of 'ok'ness on another thread on here) been through schools sen policy and highlighted where they are not sticking to their own rules (copious biro marks on that doc ), made lists of extra stuff to research, spoken to my best friend who is a teacher and she has said she will support me if i decide to homeschool, found out who school govenors are, found out about our LEA's guidlines for children with ASD, and am mulling over putting together a letter to send to school and education department, so all in all a pretty productive day

I got more done at soft play centre in 3 hours than i have managed all week Think i might become a member and use it as my bolt hole!