Do you make time for yourself?

[londongirl4]

I just read this article about parents of autistic kids having low immunity due to stress:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7513661.stm

The usual stuff was wheeled out about how we must make time for ourselves. It made me wonder how many of us actually do this- I don't and if you do, how and what do you do it? Any tips?

Rae

That beggars belief!!!!!

I jealously guard a little quiet "me time" in the day but that time happens only in school term time. I tend not to count the time after the kids are finally in bed, because I'm too knackered to enjoy it, by then. I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to veg with the laptop or in front of the TV at that point, though, since the boys' current somewhat dysfunctional sleep pattern actually allows it.

But our kitchen needs gutting, windows and skirtings and carpet need replacing, walls need painting etc etc. We actually have the money set aside to do these things, but I'm struggling to find the time and energy I need to attend the sorcery class required to actually achieve these things with these two kids to care for and keep safe.

Sort of

We use ds3's DLA to buy a little time with a Cm (we send ds4, it's the cheapest solution)which we can use to sleep, have a coffee, tidy up.....

But not at all in holidays and am not sure me time really covers tidying, however coffees etc with DH are a great treat

A few eyars ago we never got any at all- DH was working 6 - 10 on the hamster wheel and I was doing shifts and childcare and it almost cost us our marriage. I hated him for a time then. Literally 20 minutes togetehr in peace though after months without and we were holding hands again- and we elarned a lesson about what works for us.

Am at breaking point with my DH, currently working upto 70 hours a week, gone every eve and weekend. It only just occurred to him DD1 starts primary in sept so hel barely see her, she already has major anxieties when he even leaves the room. With DS only 11 months, DD very hard work, a lack of sleep, lack of couple time and an exhausted DH.....what is me time?

To stick the boot in some local Mums invited me out tonight, my best friends are together drinking vodka, grandparents are away, my sis is to far away....and of course no sitter!...

Rant over!...My me time (if they sleep), will consist of dying my grey out, plucking my eyebrows and uploading my DHs CV to as many job as I can!

wooly

Obviosuly I wish it hadn;t happened but one of the better things about Dh being amde redundant was actually seeing him again- he now studies and also works from home which is hard work but at least he can now ehlp out for appointments etc and just work into the evening instead. It won't last- once qualified he'll need to work away and of course as the business (hopefully) grows he will ahve to put every hour he can but for now it's nice and his relationship with ds4 is so much betterr than with ds1 whom he ahrdly ever saw.

I know its not always possible but JIC its always worth remembering that aprents of SN kids can apply for flexible working up until they are 16. We have done this and although we were first in large company (TNT) to do so, we were successful.

Restaurant Manager...no mothers day, fathers day, valentines, bank holidays....chritmas or new year!

He has agreed to a career change or new job...any ideas? I found a deli manager, mon to fri job! He has realised the effect on us...and on his day off hes shattered! He leaves at 10am ish and comes home at 12am-2am. Weve been together 10 years but DD facing diagnosis really brought it home to him, very emotional process.

I am housebound at night but we do get out in the day, days off are always family days out..we try. But it means he rarely helps with the house, no time.

Good luck with the business SanctiMoanyArse thanks for the hug!

im in a very negative mood today....things will get better...or worse then better!

Reading all your stories (which are very similar to mine) makes me so angry about the lack of understanding and help we get - sweet FA....they know that because we're mums we'll do whatever it takes whatever the personal cost......I just wish I could think of a way to change things......I'm sometimes scared of working myself into the ground- Literally

I can't see where me time fits in. Dh works weird hours so he is about a lot of the time to help. I work when the dc's are at school and when they are in bed, although I work from home and can mostly fit all meetings, appointments, school things ( inset days, after school care, illness etc etc). My parents help out on the odd saturday when I have to work and dh is at work.

Before we sorted this working hours out dh worked 80+ hours a week... Which was really silly.

After that he worked and I worked around each other taking shifts with work and dc's.. We never saw each other and it led to our marriage almost breaking up.. We actually lived seperately in the same house for a few months.

So working the hours we both now do allows us to sort out the care aspect plus we see each other.

I guess most of my me time is flitting on and off MN on my phone while I grab a cuppa.

As for health/ immunity... Well I get stress relayed IBS and migraines... Made me actually laugh when the paramedic who was taking me to hospital a few months ago,( due to having a migraine that took morphine, declefenic and some other med on top of the super duper strongest prescription stuff I had already taken to stop it.) said to me.. Have you been under any extra stress lately!

Both of us pick up pretty much everything the dc's catch.

Got my "me time" now...kids are asleep, dinner on my lap, hair dye on my head, eyebrows done while bathing the kids...ill just open the wine! ...Please no-one wake up or I may have a problem!

Good job women can multi-task!

Oh and I sent his CV off for the deli job!

No, in short.

3 children under 5.

DD1 has challenging behaviour at times, and no sense of danger, so either has to have a crelling harness and an adult with her or in the maclaren major buggy with an adult pushing her. DD3 is only 1.2 so needs a buggy. DD1 is too long for the phil and teds, really now, so I am pretty much housebound if I have all 3 with me.

DD1 has had a tough time at preschool lately, and I haven't had even the emotional energy to post an update here, but the net result is that she will only go to preschool if I go with her. So, bang goes my down-time from her.

I get home from preschool & DD2 & 3 want cuddles. I suppose I am lucky that my Mum is willing to sit with them while I attend preschool.

Social Services won't give respite despite DD1 needing constant supervision and melatonin, etc.

I am waiting to hear about a playscheme - £12 per session for 3 hours. Worth it to avoid 7 weeks of containment. But I have to wait because they have to work out how they can look after her - they have to find someone to do 1:1.

I do.
I go horse riding for an hour every other week. I take time out of work to do it (I have that sort of job(s))
If I don't my back goes.
It was horse riding or shiatsu, but horse riding gives me so much that the horses won
DS1 respite time is spent with ds2 and ds3 or working.

I didn't when they were younger though. I started the horse riding lark a year ago when ds3 went into school full time. Ds1 by then was nearly 10.

We use our respite time to go out as a couple for two hours every other week. I fit in a bit of gardening during the week when I'm not working.

Horse riding sounds amazing....interesting what Ros Blackburn says....GOD!!! Am dreading school hols altho this year the school has offered me some free holiday care, so that will take the strain off for a few days.

I'm worried though as in the 2008 school hols I got septicaemia from a sore throat and was in hospital & sick for 8 weeks- was hellish...don't want to run myself into the ground again....

Me time is over here as ds has finished for summer but it's his last year of school and then its college i'm looking forward to not having to get up at 5.30 so he's ready for taxi pick up at 7.15. When he starts college it's going to be local so i've less time to myself, at the moment in term time he's out from 7.15-4.45 local college is 10 minutes walk so 9-3 as special unit finishes before main campus.Hopefully he'll be less physically abusive as he'll not be as tired.